manipulative | ( ENTRANCEWAY INBOX )

It's only hard because I didn't want to face it.

[ it's a truth katherine often keeps locked away even from herself, but she thinks she deserves to acknowledge it. clementine deserves to know that the bravest of faces can be the most self-destructive, and sometimes those actions, the ones that may seem so brilliant in theory, are not so great in practice. ]

[ her posture eases up, the tension slowly slipping away. ] I like you, Clementine. I liked you in Hogwarts and I like you now. [ and that's a truth that won't go away, even when katherine's tried to carve it right out of herself. ] A friend of mine once opened my eyes to how I was becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[ she pauses for a moment. katherine understands the weight of what she's about to say, even if it will mean nothing to clementine. what elijah had informed her of, callously and rightfully so, has given her incredible pause. she will never allow herself to feel guilt over elena gilbert, but she will allow herself to feel something over never quite breaking away from a dangerous pattern. ]

[ she doesn't wish to be the monster in the story. she never has. ]

[ looking slightly uncomfortable, she straightens her back, hands clasped in her lap, and she looks to clementine, her expression uncharacteristically soft. if she looked at herself in the mirror, she wouldn't see anyone but katerina petrova staring back at her. ]

I don't want that for you. You're one of the few people I like in Wonderland, and it doesn't matter to me that you're incredibly young. [ her hands move in her lap, a palm cradling the back of the other. ] I don't know how to be friends with people, but I wouldn't mind picking up where we left off. [ she lifts her hand and waves dismissively, ] Without all the weird Latin and shaking those stupid sticks.

[clementine grows quiet as katherine speaks, listening, because it is important to, because she's giving this truth to her. whatever the reason it's hard, it doesn't change that it is hard. it's hard to face the truth. it's hard to open up. it's hard to connect to people, because people can screw you over.

people can die. they die all the time where she's from, and she forgets how to connect to someone. she forgets how to live, to be someone with a heart who is kind.

hearts can't be afforded. kindness can't be either. she's fought for people before, and it hasn't changed anything. and she's lashed out, manipulated, blackmailed, done anything and everything to get what she needed to make it to the next moment.]

I like you too. I did then, and I do now. You're tough, smart, funny.

[she has moved close enough now that she's within touching range, and she does, reaching out, touching katherine's hands as they fold together in her lap like that. she swallows, worries she's stumbling over this. people have opened up to her before but not like this- never like this. she likes it, which is why she finally smiles as katherine makes her offer, opens up.]

I'm not very good at being friends with people either, but maybe we don't have to be. Maybe that's why it works. I'd really like starting where we left off as whoever we are here.

[clementine drops her hand back down, keeping her gaze from up close to her] Whatever your friend said, you don't have to become a self-fulfilling prophecy anymore. Wonderland is new. You can be whatever the hell you want to be. ...and maybe here at least I don't have to go down that way either.

[ when clementine reaches for her hand, katherine doesn't flinch nor tuck them away from her. it's the first time in a long time anyone has reached out for her. elijah has sought katerina, mason had looked for kathy, and katherine had kept herself wrapped up in her own cocoon to keep herself away from both stefan and damon. ]

You're very smart for a girl of your age. [ she tries to keep her voice lacking any emotion, but sometimes she fails at keeping her composure. ]

[ katherine has never acknowledged any instinct she may have that's maternal. when her father had ripped her baby from her mother before she had the chance to even study her face, to see if she had her forehead or the slope of her nose, she had followed his footsteps, as she always had, and had stripped herself of that portion of her life. ]

[ it had made things easier, even if she had searched high and low for a baby she knew she'd recognise on sight and sound, even though she hadn't been able to commit her face to memory. ]

[ hogwarts had seen that instinct within her blossom, with a younger sister and even younger friends. katherine can feel it within her now, despite her attempts to shove it right down inside of her. this time, though, she's not so successful. (she hasn't been for a long, long time, to tell the truth.) ]

I'll try. [ the words aren't weighted, leaving her without being examined thoroughly. katherine's tone and expression is genuine, much like katerina had been. ] I'll try my best not to prove my friend right, but I may need you to help me. And you can do that by telling me something that you like doing. Or want to do in Wonderland, but haven't yet.

I feel older than my age. Zombies aren't good for your health. [it's said with a shrug of her shoulders and then a little smirk too. it's not actually funny at all, but sometimes it's about taking amusement wherever it can be found, and it is the reason she knows how to survive.

she's an apocalypse girl. there's no getting around that. there's no coming back from it. she can't be like other girls her age. she doesn't even know what that means anymore.

but it means the two of them connect. it means there is an understanding between them of survival and what that takes. clementine remembers hogwarts clearly even if sometimes it feels like it happened to someone else. she wants to hold on to that, because she's also learned how important it is to have someone that will watch your back

even if that also means there's more to lose. people don't die permanently here like they do back home.]

I'll do what I can. [it's a promise too, accepting her offer to try for what it means.] ...that's harder. I haven't had much that I liked doing since the apocalypse started. I've been trying to figure it out since I got here. There's a youth center.

[she hasn't been, but maybe it'll give her a better idea of what she should try to be into.]

And there's a whole big rabbit hole out there for you to explore.

[ her demeanour shifts as she straightens her back, her expression shifting into one that's more open and warm. it's not a face katherine wears much these days, but she can't say it doesn't feel nice to frame her features and make her look more approachable than normal. ]

[ she glances over her shoulder toward where her closet's hidden behind a wall. her eyes narrow as a light bulb appears above her head. voice slightly distant, ] And in that closet. [ she turns back to clementine, looking at her a little differently before. ] What have you asked the closet for? Curious minds would like to know.

[ curious katherines like to know, but it isn't for anything sinister. katherine may need some time to mull over the presence of zombies, but she can think quick on her feet when it comes to not having much, and never having an opportunity to have much. ]

Paint to paint my walls, but I used to like art stuff. Food. Weapons. I got a TV too, but the shows I used to watch, I'm not really into anymore.

[it doesn't help she was eight years old when the apocalypse started so her tastes were very childish, and now she's grown up too fast. she has grown up faster than she even knows how to deal with or what to hold on to and what not to.

she appreciates the way katherine asks, and it eases clementine into it like she's not expected to give right answers or even answers at all.]

I want to get back into reading. I used to love it.

[ clementine's list is enough to give her an idea of what she's trying to introduce into her wonderland life. paint to change the walls of her room, perhaps to give herself a makeover. food to feed herself, brought on by a possible distrust in the tea rooms and kitchen provided in the mansion. weapons are a given, even though katherine's beginning to learn they're never quite available in the circumstances of particular events. ]

[ there's a missing element covered by those television shows. clementine seems to be currently working out how to live without the need to watch her back, prepare for the worst, or reinvent herself. ]

[ playfully, katherine taps her chin with her index finger, expression shifting into thoughtfulness. she even hums, just to add to it. being playful isn't something she's used to being, not unless it's to dangle a carrot before a salvatore to get them to jump when she commands it. ]

[ hand dropping away, she purses her lips. ] What kind of books do you like?

Adventure books mostly. My mom used to read me Treasure Island before bed.

[she'd only been first learning to read at that point. she was a second grader, and some of the words in that book were still too big for her, but her mother helped her with them. she doesn't know if she can read that well anymore given she hasn't read in so long, but she wants to practice.

she wants to be good again. she can worry about more than survival now.

she smiles up at katherine]

I'm up for any suggestions if you have a favorite book.

[ katherine's life could be quite the adventure book. it'd be a little on the dark side with hope dwindling out pretty fast to never quite be found again for a few centuries. she has a plethora of stories beneath her fingertips to tell, but katherine's never been a storyteller. she's not stefan, writing in his diaries, keeping note of every little thing she does. ]

[ despite spending five hundred years running, she's spent a good portion of that time beginning to live. reading a book in a cafe in paris had let her blend into the scenery, after all. ]

[ after a moment of thinking it over, she looks at clementine and leans forward, arms resting on her thighs. ] You'll think it's unoriginal. But have you read the book on Alice in Wonderland? It's not a favourite, but it might help you here.

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