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[ two years ago, katherine had hoped to sway stefan as she can see herself doing now. she had wanted to pull him back to her, somehow have them fit together as they had over a century ago. but she's since realised she's not that person anymore, so carefree yet strategic, so stupid to let love in once again and almost get her killed. (of course, katherine is that person, and will be in the future. it's hard to let go of one's true self.) ]

[ they can't fit back together as they had previously. he's shed that skin, and so has she. she's come to realise stefan's refused to acknowledge he's changed at all. perhaps this bout of amnesia's the wake up call he needs to break out of his boring stagnation. ]

And yet you care the world hasn't quite caught up with you yet. [ she tips her glass back to take a sip, fully knowing "the world" is only a select group of people from mystic falls. she doesn't need to acknowledge it verbally; she finds that isn't her angle here. ]

[ the point to being chased is to be caught. the point to running is to be free. katherine has always suspected stefan's been running from something, only to be caught up with it literally as he misconstrues it for chase. (isn't it why he came back to mystic falls after being gone for so long?) ]

[ she tilts her head toward him and regards him with a pointed look. ] Why, Stefan? [ her brows lift as her expression opens. ] Do you like being chased? I can tell you it's not fun with the wrong partner, and you're wearing awful shoes for it.

[Of course he cares.

Stefan can't find the so-called humanity switch, the one that's supposed to make him not care about the world and what they really think of him. Until he can flip it and suck the energy out, he's stuck with these lingering feelings. He wants to be liked. He wants to be reassured that it's okay to be whoever it is he wants to be, and he will still be loved.

(Truthfully, Damon had said that. Without actually saying so. It's hard for Stefan to wrap his head around, because his brother had never struck him as the type.)

In the end, he supposes, it still boils down to one person, and he may never know where he stands with her. If he'll even have a shot with her again.]

Of course I don't. I'm not chasing anything.

[But he glances down at his shoes, as if they would uncover a hidden truth.]

Also, if they're that bad? Maybe you should help me find the right ones.

[ that's a lie, but katherine keeps that tucked away for herself. ]

[ he's chasing a ghost. his amnesia's robbed him of the cross he often nails himself to, and without it, he can't flog himself without any reason. stefan's all about repenting over the past, but he gets so caught up in it he forgets to live in the present. she thinks he'd taught him how to do that, unfurl his wings and learn to balance himself as he flew. her "death" and betrayal had destroyed that, and so he's been caught in trying to fix a tear in his life. ]

[ he's so good at the game of chase. he'd once chased her around the gardens, past the statues, right to the steps of his childhood home. he's also good at chasing the need to ensure the house of cards everyone else builds for themselves is protected from the wind while his scatter from a gentle shove of its hand. as he's taken on that responsibility, he's forgotten what it's like to be chased. (and that's why she thinks his hackles had risen with her: being chased by the past he'd been so intent to outrun and replace couldn't be pretty.) ]

[ but she doesn't tell him any of this. stefan to her is something beautiful and ugly and annoying all at once, but even she knows that's not the true stefan. ]

[ she easily takes the cue to look down at his shoes, pursing her lips as she pretends to reconsider her stance on them. she tips back that glass to take a drink, her eyes never slipping away from what he wears on his feet. ]

You trust me to put your feet in the right shoes?

[Again with the trust.

Stefan knows now that their love story had ended on a sour note. They hadn't been on good terms back home. Maybe they still wouldn't be, were every single memory locked into place. Her question now, and her surprise back then, had almost confirmed it. The old Stefan wouldn't have tried to place his fate in her hands.

Quietly, as he reaches for his wine glass:] I trust you more than the world.

[It's not a yes, nor is it a no - he can't trust her so much as her honesty. She didn't hesitate to tell him that he shaped his own destiny, nor did she hesitate to imply that she didn't care about the old Stefan. Her opinion certainly wouldn't have changed. Right now, he values her honesty more than he values what could've been and what should've been.

The old Stefan definitely wouldn't have trusted her, let alone prepared a whole Thanksgiving meal. The new Stefan, the one sitting beside her, certainly knows that whatever lies ahead is a path of his own making. After all, he had chosen to have a one-on-one lunch with her in addition to the dinner with friends he could barely remember. He should've trusted in them, rather than her, and yet - he doesn't regret this choice. Not yet, anyway.]

[ katherine hides her growing smile behind her wine glass and a turn of her head, acting as though she's heard a snap of a twig from beneath the weight of a white hare in the distance. in her hands is now a weight that had never been there before, one that he's placed there of his own accord. and that's where she suspects her own power lies; this doesn't require so much untangling as understanding the mind-link to silas does. ]

[ there's the desire to reach out and grab what she wants. it's a dull ache that resides within her, and as tempting as it is to slip back into that warm and comfortable skin, she has another plan in mind. the silhouette she wears now is a little worse for wear, having collected dust over the years, but it still fits almost like it's a silk glove that requires her to fidget around until it sits just right. ]

[ placing her glass down on an even surface beneath the blanket, she rests her hand on the fabric and leans her weight onto it. regarding him over her shoulder, her expression isn't smug; it's kind, interested, as she would be when speaking to a friend like pearl. ] The world is very big, Stefan. [ just a reminder; it's big and brilliant and bright and still so unpredictable and angry in itself. ]

[ she tilts her gaze down and nods her head toward the food. ] If you don't eat that, I'm sure the white rabbit that's been hopping around here will.

I don't know. From where we're sitting, sometimes? It feels pretty small.

[If he's going to continue that metaphor, he might well as be honest - he feels like a fish out of water, floundering around until he takes that last desperate gasp for air. He has a bare-bones rundown and fragmented memories from home. He wants more: he wants context for the relationships he has with everyone, he wants to know how he earned an invite to Friendsgiving despite his brother's betrayal, and he especially wants to know the tiny, little details about himself that he wouldn't think to ask.

Katherine offers answers. So far, they've felt honest - and he'll have to trust his instincts from here on out.

(His instincts aren't screaming to go. That's good, right?)

At the mention of food, he grabs utensils and plates and starts to serve them. Turkey, stuffing, even the salad gets perfectly portioned out.]

I will, I will - but you'll have to help me. Between you and me, I hear the rabbit hates turkey.

Edited (changed up dialogue ;;) 2017-01-22 08:00 (UTC)

[ being a vampire means her dietary requirements are simple, but she's never quite forgotten what it's like to feast upon a great banquet and enjoy herself in such celebrations. she just hasn't been invited to too many over the last few centuries, what with faking her death and remaining in the shadows of what should've been her proper life. ]

[ the last time she'd ever eaten, she thinks of mason lockwood, of jolene and those little friends of hers in pennsylvania. those moments had been kind to her when they shouldn't have been, much like the present one she's found herself in. ]

[ she watches him for a moment, finding that this is all too strange to her. it brings back a sense of deja vu, but katherine knows it doesn't quite fit in the past where she'd otherwise find it. stefan salvatore being kind to her has always been as unpredictable as her own actions to those who never bother to get to know her. ]

Aren't you very lucky, then? [ the rabbit disliking turkey, or for katherine being with him right now to fend it off if it chooses to like turkey suddenly. ] The world is only as small as you let it be, Stefan. [ she glances around. she's always liked the grounds of wonderland, preferring it for how freeing it feels. ] It looks pretty big to me.

Hm. Then maybe I've been looking at it from the wrong angle.

[While Stefan would be the first to blame himself, and dive down into that impossible abyss of self-loathing, he's also the first to try and change himself for the better. If the world - if Wonderland - has been this kind to Katherine, then maybe it can treat him with that same compassion and generosity.

He sure hopes so, anyway, as he finishes portioning a plate and hands one over to her. Stefan can't guess at what she likes (or dislikes), given that neither of them need food to survive, so he's made an educated - and probably instinctive - guess.]

Leave the old world, and uh - see what the new has to offer? So to speak?

[ you've always been looking at it from the angle. ]

[ she thinks to say it, but doesn't. because so has she — five hundred years she's spent running, believing herself to be a survivor, when she's begun to look at the world from a different viewpoint and realised that she has only survived by behaving like a victim. ]

[ if katherine is thankful for anything, it's not only her tenacity and ability to frustrate even the oldest and most stubborn of people, but it's her ability to continue to reinvent herself. it's also what she's not thankful for, as she sits here now, feeling like she's a little lost, unsure of who katherine pierce is, and doesn't have the stefan she knows to remind her. ]

[ of course, if this was her stefan, she'd be cast as the big, bad, evil bitch who ruins everyone's lives. but at least it's a label she can wear and knows how to, even if it's not true nor fair to her. ]

[ she takes the proffered plate, placing it down on the blanket beside her. she looks at him and asks, ] Do you want some unsolicited advice, Stefan?

[Is it unsolicited if she asks first? Stefan shrugs, as if it's no big deal - ]

Sure. Tell me whatever's on your mind.

[He doesn't know that he would've normally said such a thing with dripping sarcasm, or that he wouldn't normally listen to her every word as it mattered. As if she were more than the big bad vampire who ruined his entire world with one little action.

For better or worse, she's essentially a blank slate, and he's seeing every nuance in bright, vivid color.]

[ advice from katherine is always unwanted, even when they ask. she can't say she's ever wanted to give advice in the first place.]

[ she weighs her words for only a moment, and then decides to dive right in. ]

The old world and new world you speak of is the exact same world, Stefan. You're just looking at it from a different perspective.

[ it's a lesson she had learned on her own, back in the 1400s. when she had lost her baby, she had believed the world to be so cruel. once she had come to england, she thought it to be new, when it was only an extension of the one she'd been disowned from. it'd spun on its axis and had continued to give her a cruel hand, before she'd decided to take it within her own palms and become the very thing that spins it. ]

[ she leans back, palm pressed against the blanket. easily, she remarks, ] Only idiots believe there's a new and old world, and that they have to wait for it to offer them it on a platter. Take what you want, Stefan. You're not getting any younger.

[ A broken perspective, perhaps. Deep down, Stefan knows that he can't really separate the old from the new. He had burned his journals out of anger, and frustration, and even a little despair. He wasn't the man that either Damon or Elena wanted him to be, and with all the emotional distance between them, he wanted to deny them.

(He still does. Kind of.)

The worst part is, Katherine's right. Every single time he denies the gulf between old-Stefan and new-Stefan, he denies himself. He denies the world. He also denies those who share said world with him.

"Yeah, but I'm not getting older," he might've once said in return. Yet, he helps himself to his meal, using it to stall for words.]

I suppose that makes me the biggest idiot, then. [He laughs, not unkindly.] Guess it wouldn't hurt to be a little more selfish.

[ he is the biggest idiot, but katherine doesn't think to remind him of it. sitting out here with her, being kind to her — the stefan she knows would think himself to be an idiot if he so much as entertained the idea of being around her of his own accord. he'd perhaps even laugh if it was brought up to him, and say something cruel in return. but katherine knows she's also an idiot for enjoying this — and not in the way many think katherine enjoys much in life. she's truly enjoying herself, as she once had in his company in 1864, as she had with pearl. ]

[ she looks up at him, lips curved up in amusement. playfully, she chides, ] Watch yourself, Stefan. You wouldn't want to be too selfish. Some would say I've become a bad influence on you if you do.

[In return, he sets down his food and holds a single finger to his lips, in that universal shushing motion. Stefan's shoulders are shaking too much, though, for him to ever pull off that stern librarian look.]

What they don't know won't hurt them.

[He means it, too. Stefan would rather hold this close to his chest than broadcast it to the whole world, because if he doesn't? It could be ripped from his hands too.

(Like everything else he had once had.)

A good Stefan might've decided not to play with fire, but that Stefan isn't here, and he's enjoying himself too much to care.] As long as I'm still me, that's ultimately all that matters.

[ god, he reminds her so much of that boy from 1864. she finds herself completely charmed. it's easy to slip into that skin she'd shed over a hundred years ago, and it's all because he doesn't remember. a part of it doesn't feel right, but then again, stefan salvatore's never let himself be free with her ever since. if this is what it's like, she can't say she doesn't hate it. ]

And how will you know? [ katherine smiles, it sitting naturally on her mouth. she knows she's playing with fire right now, but katherine pierce has never burned. she hasn't in a very long time. stefan's flame has always been lukewarm in comparison to the inferno she once found herself burning within. ] Do you feel comfortable?

[She raises another good question. Certainly, Stefan feels more comfortable with her than he would've ever felt at his upcoming Friendsgiving. With Katherine, there's no acting, there's no self-censoring, and there's no holding back on his thoughts.

(All things he'll later come to regret, but right now, he needs someone who likes him for him.)

His smile turns shy, as if he's seventeen all over again.]

Maybe a little. ["Maybe a lot."] When I do [know when he's still Stefan], I promise - you'll be one of the first to know too.

Edited 2017-02-14 03:19 (UTC)

[ if katherine knows anything, it's that she'll know when stefan's back to himself. but what he doesn't know is that this is the most comfortable he'll ever be. it's never rested easily with him that he had ever been close to her. it's never sat well with him to know that she'll always be in his life, an itch he'll never be able to scratch. a stefan salvatore who's comfortable around a katherine pierce is a stefan salvatore she knows is long gone, but it doesn't mean she can't enjoy it. ]

[ sometimes she's stupid enough to let her humanity seep in, and hope that he'll wake up one day and feel comfortable around her without a memory wipe. to no longer be the villain in his story would be a gift in itself, but one she knows is as far-fetched as her being given back everything she's ever lost. ]

[ she sits back, hand resting against the blanket. all she does is smile. ] Eat your food, Stefan. Then maybe I'll have something to be thankful for.

[ like his company on a day she otherwise would feel very much alone. ]

Only if you promise me you'll try a bite.

[His expression is an half-amused, half-exasperated one as he finally digs into his meal. It's a little cold, but it's still as delicious as he remembered from his earlier samplings. Any other day, his attention would've been solely on the meal he prepared, but he can't quite help looking over at Katherine and noting how pretty she looks when she smiles. Then and there, he makes a mental note to learn how he can see it again.

Like the people who bend over backwards for their fellow captives, Katherine is far, far kinder than she seems. She has zero reason. She also has zero incentive, despite his kindness, and yet she indulges his every whim.

That, he's coming to realize, is what he's truly grateful for.]

[ katherine likes to consider herself to have a very particular appetite. she likes to drink from the vein and occasionally dine out on the good foods she once enjoyed. she stays far away from home-cooked meals and big buffets as they remind her of her mother, but she otherwise gravitates toward finger food. what stefan's brought her sits somewhere in the middle, and though katherine's obviously eaten during her long, long lifetime, she hasn't exactly done so to enjoy herself. it's always been to look the part of the dainty, human girl. ]

[ besides, she tried junk food once. it didn't survive the night. ]

[ picking up her glass, she drains it. she thinks to tell him he should be worried she will bite, but forgoes it. for once, the reminder of her sharpness doesn't fit. instead, she wishes to be soft, much like that girl from 1864. so she decides to go for an exchange, placing her glass on the blanket to free up her hand. she picks something out of the basket, making a show of it, and finds herself holding between her fingers a delicate baked good. ] I promise. [ and she does as she has promised, taking a bite out of it. now there's no excuse for him not to enjoy his food. ]

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