manipulative | deerington contact.

[ that sounds like an excuse, and one shes's certain his friends would accept if they bothered to ask him if he was okay at all. but it's not one she likes at all. yes, they have things to contend with, but considering the downtime they've had and they make happen? he can deal with it. ]

Then you make time, or else you risk hurting someone else and not being able to come back from it. That's not something I want for you, Stefan.

[ he already bears so much. ]

I don't —

( he starts to say something obstinate, something stubborn and argumentative but that dies off pretty quickly and he sighs. )

I don't know what to do.

[ katherine reaches her other hand out to brush her fingertips gently against his face. she glides them down the slope of his nose and bops the tip. ]

I think acknowledging you want to learn how to manage it is probably the first step. Then you trial and error your way to finding a way of moving forward.

[ if someone asked her if she followed all the advice she wisely bestowed, her answer wouldn't be the truth. but she does know her chosen method of dealing with everything hasn't worked at all. she doesn't want to let stefan follow in her footsteps and run. ]

There's no right or wrong in how you do this, Stefan. It's only wrong if you choose not to do anything at all.

I just decided to try and figure out how to deal with my bloodlust. I don't know if I have enough...I don't know if I can do both.

( why do people like him with these stupid issues hanging off him? )

I'm barely doing well with that.

You should give yourself more credit, Stefan.

[ yes, he's turned it off; yes, he does have a history of turning it off; and yes, he is a ripper. she understands it's probably a little harder for him, given he's uncontrollable if he drinks from the vein. but he's doing far better than most vampires. ]

It's not going to be fixed overnight, but it's not going to get better if you ignore it. [ she laughs lightly, ] I kind of like sleeping in this bed.

[ she doesn't particularly want the solution to be her sleeping in another room because he's too frightened. ]

Then, if I do that again, you're going to have to...do more than just calling my name. If you have to use your strength to push me away or wake me up, do it.

( because she'd made him wait for too long this time and he'd hurt her. )

You can't let me do that again. Please.

[ she's never been shy in using her strength against anyone, but now she is. she knows she could hurt him far worse than he could ever hurt her.

but there's no point in arguing with him. ]

I promise.

[ she ensures to say it as convincingly as possible. it's going to be a hard one for her to keep. ]

I will push you away a lot harder.

Okay.

( that's a slight relief. she might not want to hurt him but he'd prefer he get tossed into a wall if it means no putting bruises on her neck again. )

Thank you.

( it would be nice if it didn't come to that but he doesn't know what will happen these days. )

[ she no longer holds his hand to her neck. watching him for a moment, she can only hope that this provides him some comfort and a safety blanket if it ever happened again. if pushing him away means she saves him from his own guilt, then she'll make herself do it. ]

Do you want me to sleep elsewhere tonight?

[ because she will. she imagines waking up to experiencing an episode and then acknowledging he needs to deal with it is overwhelming. her sticking around might make it worse. ]

No.

( no, he doesn't want that, no she doesn't have to do that. he doesn't know if he's going to sleep much more tonight but he doesn't want her to leave. )

I don't know if I'm going to sleep a lot more tonight but you don't have to leave.

Okay. [ she says it gently, feeling very pleased she doesn't have to get up and relocate to one of his other rooms. ] I'll stay.

[ katherine readjusts herself where she lies on her side, bringing her hands up to rest beneath her head. ]

If you can't sleep, then you can't sleep. [ she shrugs a shoulder. ] It's fine. You'll probably have a grandpa nap later in the day.

Probably.

( something flickers across his face but he closes his eyes and tries to let his brain relax and his breathing even out. )

Thanks.

( for...everything. )

I told you, you don't have to do this alone.

[ and if she did help him before, then she figures it shouldn't be too much of a surprise that she wants to now. katherine's now experienced it, and she thinks she gets where his ptsd comes from.

she watches him for a moment, glad that he's at least calmed down now. ]

I'm here for whenever you need me.

I know.

( and what a strange thing to know. if you'd asked him a few years ago when this happened, it wouldn't have been katherine that he'd said would be helping him.

his eyes fall closed and he reaches over letting the tips of his fingers touch her side. he doesn't know if he can do much more than that but he wants to feel somewhat connected. )

[ while he may reach out to touch her side, katherine takes that as an invitation to shuffle closer. she's tired enough to want to go back to sleep, but she keeps herself awake so she can watch him. she wants him to be truly settled down before she thinks to relax. ]

Why don't you go to sleep? [ she smiles, ] I can pull a you and watch you.

I'm going to try.

( he's tired but he still doesn't know if he's going to be able to sleep. he feels like if he closes his eyes, he's going to dream about this again.

but, he's tired so he closes his eyes and tries to relax. )

I don't watch you. ( much. )

[ sure. ]

You don't? [ she sounds disappointed. ] I'm hot. Why wouldn't you watch me?

[ she brushes her fingers through his hair in an attempt to fix it from being too mussy. ] I bet I'm hotter when I'm sleeping.

[ if she can get his mind temporarily out of the safe, then she will do her utmost best. ]

You're soft when you're sleeping.

( that's not a bad thing. he sighs, trying to let her touch soothe him. )

You lose all the hard angles and sharpness.

( one of the few times that happened. )

You make me sound like I'm a dulled knife when I'm sleeping.

[ it's all she can really think to say. katherine's never wondered what she looks like when she's asleep—she'd hope it's still intimidating.

walking her fingers into his hair, she keeps her gaze on her ministrations than him. ]

Are you saying I'm all hard angles and sharpness when I'm awake?

[ if this gets him to stop thinking about the safe, then she's good with it. ]

I'm saying your guard is down when you sleep. You let yourself relax.

( when she was awake, her defenses her high and she carried around a lot of tension. nothing wrong with it, it was just how she was. )

That's all.

( his eyes are still closed and his words have slowed a bit. )

[ oh, well. that doesn't sound like a completely bad thing with the way he says it. ]

Do you want to know what you look like?

[ she doesn't wait for him to answer; she's invited herself to answer her own question. she keeps her tone gentle and low. ]

Still very, very handsome. Still broody. [ removing her hand from his hair for a moment, she brushes her fingertips between his brows. ] Peaceful.

I thought you didn't watch me.

( sounds like she'd just exposed her own little lie there. but he doesn't mind. it's nice to know she's noticed him that much.

he sighs, feeling his body slacken some. )

I'm tired.

Then let yourself rest.

[ she lets her fingers continue to play with his hair. all she wants is for that tension to disperse and for him to allow himself to relax. he didn't seem overly keen on doing that before, but she's hopeful he will now. ]

So I can pretend I don't watch you.

Don't be creepy.

( but there's a slight lightness to his voice. he feels like maybe he could doze off and rest a little bit. he doesn't think it'll last long but it might help. )

Don't leave.

Don't be creepy, don't leave. So many rules, Stef.

[ she says it teasingly. she doesn't mind if those are his only rules, although she makes absolutely no promises on not being creepy. she continues to brush her fingers through his hair, hoping it's lulling him into some sense of relaxation. ]

I'll be creepy if I choose to be.

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