manipulative | ( ENTRANCEWAY INBOX )

[ she laughs. ] Have you read the book? Wonderland could use a few stories to bring it back down to earth.

[ wonderland's a little mad, and while that's enjoyable for those who wish to be whisked off to an incredibly crazy world, katherine isn't one of them. she likes her mundane little towns locked away in the darkest unseen corners of the map. but that's only because she's never had anyone to tell her stories, made up or autobiographical, to. ]

It could actually use a few. Some of the things those characters say on the network is incredibly uninspired.

[ she's quiet for a moment, before she says, more quietly, ] I had fun, too.

[clementine smiles, warm, quiet.] No. I watched the cartoon, but I never got a chance to read the book. I should since I'm here.

[she didn't consider it, and it seems so stupid that she didn't. she thinks about reading for survival because of that event, because of her conversation with katherine then. she's used to survival being action (movement, violence, hiding, lying, pretending, sneaking). but in wonderland, it gets more complicated. information (even fiction) can be useful.]

They're strange and unhelpful. If we can't figure out what their deal is, we can make up our own. I like that better.

[she sort of wants to hit them until they say something that means something.] We should do it here too so it can be real for us. I mean, it felt real, but...

[ a lot of things begin to feel not real when you've lived for over five centuries. events begin to blur, people become forgotten — katherine sometimes feels as though she's not quite present. her feet never quite touch the ground, given how fast she continues to run. even now, in wonderland, she's running from something — and clementine brings it all back for her, even if she doesn't quite know it herself. ]

[ katherine's used to being mean, and in turn, she's used to people not quite wanting to get to know her. unless she's gone out of her way to purposefully elicit such a reaction, she's often alone — and quite not well-received by anyone who comes to know her. ]

[ a part of her wonders how long it'll take for clementine to see that. but she locks that thought away. ]

You can borrow mine. Unless you enjoy taking from the closet, then you should be incredibly picky about the edition and cover you choose. [ it's only the best for katherine pierce, after all. she's had a head start on clementine; five hundred years, living during the author's time — she's read every edition with every cover to simply pass the time. ]

[ she thinks to leave it there, but something within her leaps forward, and her voice is much lower, ] It was real. If you want it to be. Wonderland shouldn't ever be given the power to determine that.

[clementine smiles a little at that. she didn't even know about their being different editions of the book, but it's good to know before she headed off to the library or the closet and then tried to figure out which was the best version to read. she figures it can't be like the cartoon she saw, because none of it seems like that.

the queen on the other side of the mirror seems much more real, much more human in her edges than the overacting which happened in animation. she wants the right version.]

I want to borrow yours. The right one. Can I come get it now? [she doesn't know where katherine is. a part of her wanted to find her in person instead of going to her like this, but she wasn't sure how she'd be received. some people weren't handling coming back from hogwarts very well. she's... one of them, but the relationships still hold meaning to her whether or not they should.

her throat locks up at the words. she needed to hear them more than she could express, more than she even knew. it matters if it's real, and it matters to her even if she doesn't live it anymore.]

I want it to be. It was real, and it matters. It's just... not mine anymore. I'm not that girl.

[ hogwarts is simply another chance at reinvention. how many shades of katherine pierce has she played over the years? toying with mason lockwood and evading klaus has gotten her this far; shedding herself of the name "katerina petrova" has buried her in the history books so no scholar could track her whereabouts. hogwarts had merely been another attempt at cloaking herself, even though she could literally achieve that with the right spell. ]

[ sometimes katherine misses being a witch, especially one that had a plethora of useful spells and objects in her witchy little cupboard. ]

[ pressing matters first: ]

Of course you are. Some part of you is that girl. Wonderland doesn't turn you inside out and upside down to transform you into a new person.

[ katherine has to know — she'd been turned inside out and upside down to become the one person she never wanted to be again, because katerina petrova was weak. but she's strong enough to climb from whatever abyss she's fallen into to say that. katherine wants to push clementine away, use her for her own benefit, but the only way katherine can take advantage of clementine is to be the person she used to be. it's discomforting; the only way for katherine to move forward in wonderland is to make friends. ]

[ it's almost like she's not going to respond to clementine's question of wanting to come fetch a book she can easily ask the closet for, but after a pause, and a shift in tone: ]

I'm on the third floor. Room 2.

[clementine quiets then, trying to wrap her head around it. the girl that she was in that other universe seems so different. she seems so far away in her lightness, in her ability to connect and be real and to be happy.

maybe some part of her is, but there are so many other parts too. there are the parts of her who have killed many people and many walkers, the parts of her that have lost more people than she can count, the parts of her that carver somehow connected to. he said they were alike, and she wanted to deny it (almost did) but she was afraid he was right.

she makes the choices other people can't (or won't), and how did she get so good at making terrible choices? just so she could survive? because it's all she knows how to do when no one else does?]

I didn't think of it like that. So much of what I lived, it was different.

[but it still has to be tied to her, doesn't it? her parents were there. lee was still there. they all still died. she smiles when katherine does answer, pushing herself up to her feet as she heads out of her room]

...okay, I'm on my way.

I'll be here.

[ she's going to have a visitor. ]

[ it's so strange to think it. ]

[ the only times katherine has ever had anyone want to see her had been when damon wished to slip inside of the tomb and quite possibly breathe life back into her rotting body. there'd been times in mystic falls, as lady katherine, where she had people wishing for her to entertain them. but as herself, the woman she is now, she's come to realise not too many people ever want to meet her if it isn't to gain something for their own advantage. ]

[ it's unfair to wonder what clementine could possibly want from her. she already knows the answer if she looks back over the past couple of years (when, in reality, it'd been only a few days of a vivid hallucination) and can easily find her answer. ]

[ it's what she had wanted. it's what she wants — somewhere to belong. ]

[ katherine's door remains unlocked to her larger than life room. clementine will find a thick-furred black cat sitting outside, licking her paws, as if waiting for her arrival. (in reality, vasilka's just waiting for someone to let her in — being in wonderland and not hogwarts has lead to this version of katerina petrova's cat to simply stare at people and hope for them to take pity on her.) ]

[clementine knows despite how real the event felt (and despite how some of it must have been based on fact), it wasn't. it wasn't real at all. most of the students are actually adults. most of them aren't actually wizards and witches, and they definitely do not have the same life experiences as they did in that other version of the world, which is gone now. she knows she can't automatically trust. she knows that she can't rely on a friendship built in another universe.

she also knows it's hard for her to connect to people. she's not like... most people, and those connections were important to her. it's what luke said to her. she'd answered wrong, but-

people you can trust. it's what's most important. people to watch your back. getting there, it means taking risks.

she stops in front of the door, looking down with a little smile at the very familiar cat. she's cautious around animals ever since sam. something the hogwarts version of her didn't remember.] Hello again.

[she reaches up, knocking and then opening the door for the cat before she takes a step inside too she takes in the sight of the very large, very beautiful room in front of her, and her one and only response is:]

Holy shit!

[ if vasilka could speak, she'd say thank you, clementine! but the sweep of her brushing against her legs and darting into the room to magically appear on the windowsill to stare out at the grounds is all she can muster. she's grateful for clementine's opposable thumbs, and perhaps will show it much later when she's not enrapt in being let in where she'd otherwise been tossed out. ]

[ katherine appears, not quite as quickly as a vampire but with her long strides it's quick enough, and she looks at clementine with slight apprehension before it disappears almost immediately. she's still the same girl she remembers, even if her corners may be a little more sharp with how jagged they are. ]

[ she glances up at her ceiling, her smile remaining as she appears more like katerina and less like the smug katherine she's come to be. ]

Do you like it? Sometimes I think it's a little too much.

[clementine looks up at katherine as she steps into the room. there's a gun at clem's side in its holster, but otherwise, she looks like an ordinary eleven year old with a hat on her head from her father and the blue jacket with a rainbow across it. she hasn't really been able to figure out her own style or what she'd want to wear. the blue jacket's familiar even if it's tied to a really painful place.]

It's... big. [for her own room, iris had to help her figure out how to decorate it and what to include. she couldn't think of anything so grand and amazing. she likes it.] Did you have a room like this where you're from?

[ katherine shrugs her shoulders, nonchalant. ] A few.

[ live five hundred years and have the ability to control people in your arsenal, and even buckingham palace can be yours. it's the kind of thinking katherine's adopted as of late, wanting to spoil herself and remove who she used to be from who she's forcing herself to become now. ]

[ vasilka wraps herself around clementine's legs, wanting to sit on her foot. ]

But it doesn't matter. It's Wonderland. If you want it, it gives it to you. Within reason, of course.

How many rooms have you had?

[Clementine has only had the one before Wonderland. It was her room as a baby and then her room when she grew up. Ish. She kneels down, petting the cat as she wraps herself around clem's legs. she swallows a bit, wondering if maybe she could get a pet sometime.

This isn't the world she came from. It won't be like with Sam.]

Yeah, it's pretty weird. You want it. It shows up. You think it. It's there. I didn't trust it when I first got here.

[ vasilka doesn't bite clementine, leaning into her touch and enjoying it immensely. it's not surprising, given her hogwarts reiteration had enjoyed those katherine had spent time with. she purrs loudly, perhaps as loud as a cat can if only to inform katherine she's here to stay and be a bother. ]

I've had a few. [ she repeats that. with five hundred years of hiding behind closed doors under her belt, katherine's lost track. if she goes back into the past and counts, she'll be confronted by how many times she's hidden behind a door and lost so much of her life to gaining blisters on her feet and blood on her hands. with hogwarts ending so closely on their heels, katherine doesn't want to think about it. ] I've been around for a very long time. Wonderland's type of style is high on my list of the best places I've stayed.

[ katherine moves toward a couch and sits. ] Between you and me, I still don't trust it. [ with a sweep of her hand, ] Make yourself at home. It's the least you could do given Vasilka [ — she rolls her eyes at the mention of her cat, who ignores being the target of such disdain — ] has with your feet.

[clementine smiles, sliding her fingers over the top of the cat's head. she hasn't seen a cat in a long time until wonderland. they're soft. they're softer than she remembered.

she lifts her eyebrows and pushes herself to her feet. a few. it's vague. she gets needing to be vague. to hold parts close. when people know, they can use it to their advantage. present the front you want them to see. play up to it to survive.] You can wish it all to reality. Whatever the hell you want. It's just not always easy to figure what you want.

[the material stuff is easier for that.] I don't either, but a girl's gotta eat. [she smirks and then shrugs. she was struck between wanting to eat it all and wanting to eat none of it. ever. clementine catches the eye roll. her gaze is sharp. she made it that way. the smirk widens on her face as she looks carefully at the fluffy being at her feet.] ...you don't like your cat?

[ let's state it officially for the record, vasilka enjoys the way clementine dotes on her. instead of trying to run away, she remains where she is, even giving off a little, low purr. ]

[ when katherine speaks, there's no slyness, no charm to her own voice. it's merely stated, almost like she's pensive over the thought. ] She's not my cat.

[ not this katherine's cat. the katherine who owns this cat doesn't exist anymore — or hadn't, until wonderland had chosen to bring life to her. there had been aspects of her old life found within that person she transformed into during hogwarts, but katherine knows — and thus refuses to even think about it — that the katerina petrova who had existed in that universe could've been her if things had fallen into place a lot more smoothly. if being a doppelgänger wasn't the one thing everyone thought she should take pride in, perhaps her life would've been a little more perfect, but still with its imperfections. ]

[ resting her elbow against the arm of the couch, she leans her cheek against her fist and regards the cat. her cat, she guesses, but she refuses to take ownership of it. ] She belongs to someone else. I think she's trying to wish what she wants into reality, but Wonderland doesn't seem to have a sympathetic ear. [ she looks up at clementine, ] You seem to. I think she likes you, but I don't speak cat.

She wants you to be who you were before.

[it doesn't work like that. they don't get to go back to the fantasy even if they liked it here and now. clementine aches for the simplicity of it, for her youth which feels as if it was carved from her when she came back to the cold reality. that other version of her may have done one terrible thing, but clementine's lost count of how much terrible she's done to survive.

she doesn't blink at it anymore. lee told her it could change her, and it has. it will. it's the cost of survival.

what the hell else did he expect from her? he taught her how to survive and then didn't want it to change her. she swallows down her anger at a man she loved very much.]

You told me yourself. Some part of you is that girl. [she lifts her eyebrow and looks pointedly at katherine. she's giving her words back to her.]

Was.

[ katherine almost regrets correcting her, but it comes out before she has a chance to weigh it, conduct a pro and con list, and think about its consequences. but it's the truth, and she remembers katerina had promised to tell clementine the truth. some part of that girl lingers within her, even though katherine suppresses those urges under the guise it'll protect her through and through. ]

[ she doesn't look at clementine, but forces herself to. her expression isn't as smug or carefree, not as warm as it was before. she's not angry, simply pensive, almost like she's in a very uncomfortable spot. ]

[ katerina should be her past, but katherine feels like she's very much present. ]

Some people are the outliers when it comes to the advice I give girls who deserve a lot more than they think.

[clementine folds her arms across her chest as she pushes herself up to her feet. she lifts her eyebrows at the other woman. she appreciates the honesty. she tends to connect better with people who don't try to hide something or soften a blow because she's a kid. and she had that back where she's from. maybe not at first. at first, she was shoved in a shed because she had a dog bite which people thought was a walker bite. at first, she could use that little girl card to her advantage to get someone to give her juice, a bandage.

then it shifted. she was a part of the group.

people counted on her. they relied on her to hold the group together. in quiet moments, some would admit to being scared (scared of dying), guilty (over surviving), angry.]

So what makes you an outlier?

[ all of her choices, the ones she made herself and the ones she was forced to make. but katherine finds that too scary to even acknowledge. ]

[ she takes a moment, a short one, to think it over. weighing her own answers, even letting herself think of something to say — compulsion has always been a vampire's gateway to running from something they find uncomfortable, but katherine has always used it to control. ]

[ she doesn't want to control clementine. she never had when she was katerina petrova, seventh year slytherin. ]

[ resting her chin on her hand, she looks to clementine with a slight smile. ] How much of your life at Hogwarts was true?

My parents are dead. I've killed someone like she did, but I've killed more than one person because I had to.

[Is that what she tells herself? Life is different there. Life and death, it's shifted. Murder isn't murder. It's survival. But what about Lee? She just didn't want him to turn into a walker like her parents. He didn't want it. She didn't want it for him.

She wouldn't want to think about him stuck to a radiator somewhere while the world moves on. It was better to kill him before he could shift.]

Where I come from, the dead come back to life, and if you get bit by one of them, you die too unless you blow up their brains. Walkers. ...Zombies.

Zombies. That's a new one.

[ except it isn't, not in its concept of being resurrected. isn't katherine technically a walking zombie? she has all her motor skills, still feels as a human does, but she's dead. katerina petrova is dead, and yet here she is as katherine pierce, walking around, killing. ]

[ she looks down for a moment. she's never liked vulnerability — despite having been vulnerable many times before, with stefan, damon, elijah, pearl, herself — she's always clouded it with a sneer, or a tone that has someone rolling their eyes and not quite taking what she's saying to heart. but she finds herself still wearing portions of katerina petrova, seventh year slytherin, and she knows she's never been able to truly shed her. ]

[ looking up at clementine, she doesn't smirk nor attempt to come off as though she's playing with her. ] I'm sorry about your parents. [ and it's sincere — even though katherine piece has none. she lets her hands fall into her lap. ] You'll find our lives aren't so different after all.

[there's a pause as clementine stares at her, studying her expression then carefully. there's an understanding that this isn't easy for katherine. clementine has built up a skill when it comes to reading people. she's had to because-

because reading whether someone will help you or shoot at you is a matter of survival, because figuring out who you need to blackmail and who you need to play up the 'little girl' card to is how to live.]

Your parents are dead too, but it's more than that.

[she folds her arms across her chest though her expression is open.]

You understand the surviving part too.

[ this conversation's incredibly uncomfortable, but katherine had expected it to be. much like clementine, she'd read the younger girl — she'd gotten to know her, back in hogwarts, and had deemed her trustworthy and likeable — and had known she wasn't much of a threat. though katherine had made the same mistake of klaus and elijah, she hadn't learned her valuable lessons back in the 1400s. over the centuries, she had learned who to trust, how to discern who she could place her faith in and who she couldn't. ]

[ she thinks over her answer, it sitting on the tip of her tongue. she could easily push this conversation away, but katherine doesn't because it'd allow clementine's trust in her to be lost. she had valued it in hogwarts; she finds it's carried over now. ]

My parents have been dead for a long time. [ she lifts her gaze to clementine's, disliking that this girl is almost a mirror reflection of how haggard she had felt on the inside for running and losing and never quite finding another home to feel safe inside. katherine doesn't sound nor look too sad. she's had five hundred years to grieve, and she likes to believe she's finished. ] Long enough for me to forget certain things about them that I had forced myself to stop missing.

[clementine steps forward toward katherine, watching her face. she can tell it's uncomfortable for her. it means she doesn't take it for granted (what she's saying, what she's sharing), and it's uncomfortable for her too in a different way. she discovered her parents were walkers in the same moment that lee and her were travelling through a crowd of walkers. they stood there with their faces and bodies rotting, and she knew they would kill her. they would eat her if they realized she was alive still but lee and her had covered themselves in guts to blend in. and it worked. and they didn't know.

was any part of them still alive, trapped in their own bodies? aware of the state they were in? or were they gone- she has to live with that.

lee passed out, and she dragged him into that garage to- to try to save him, but he'd been bit. it was all over, and then she shot him, and then she left, searching for omid and christa. there wasn't time to react to the loss, to feel it except with lee while she was grieving over him too.]

Does that make it easier? When you forget certain things?

[ she has five hundred years of living and trialling different methods of dealing with what she has lost, and katherine still doesn't have an answer that's satisfying for that question. ]

[ she wants to say yes. yes, it's absolutely better to forget certain things, but she's found that when she's tried to forget her mother's smile, she sees it in a young mother who peers down at her daughter with such admiration it makes her stomach churn. she's seen it in the way a father has glanced at his child with disappointment, heard it in the sharp tones of his voice. she recalls what it had been like to see her daughter for the first time, and for her mother to hold her when she'd been both abandoned by her father and been banished from bulgaria. ]

[ for so long she's tried to forget certain things to only have it come back to haunt her. wonderland's made it incredibly clear with a very basic and cruel lesson she can outrun the first original vampire, but she can't outrun herself. ]

[ taking a moment to mull it over, she regards clementine, and offers to give her something katherine's never been gifted: a choice. ]

Do you want the truth, or what I wish was the truth?

( ENTRANCEWAY INBOX )

[audio]

[audio]

[audio]

[audio]

[audio]

[audio]

[audio] → [action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action] wails omg ;o;

[action] i love them so much ꒰˘̩̩̩⌣˘̩̩̩๑꒱♡

[action] same sob ;o;

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]