[ it's still an odd descriptor for him and her—for "stefan and katherine"—but she lifts her head and peers down at him with a small smile. it's still strange to think that she and stefan have come this far—or even taken this step at all—but despite how it makes her feel uncomfortably out of her element, she's learned to trust that he'll make sure she doesn't stumble.
the black nothingness starts to slowly bleed back into the warm light of his bedroom. ]
[ while she's no stranger to men fighting over her, stefan actually putting on his boxing gloves for the first time since he's known her would be very wild and very unpredictable. it's something she likes the idea of.
she looks down at his shoulder and traces the tip of her finger against the fabric of his shirt. ]
[ she did know that… but she likes the confirmation, especially since she does often find herself worrying about elena and caroline. it means something coming from stefan. it always means something coming from him. ]
Good.
[ it's a soft parroting of his words.
she leans forward to press a kiss to the tip of his nose. ] It's going to take some time, but we'll get through this together.
[ the safe, silas, whatever else is nested in this ptsd of his. ]
[ her brows furrow together as she peers down at him. it's such a strange yet cute observation—she hadn't even known whether or not she has kissed him on the nose before. ]
Did you not like it?
[ despite her question, she does smile. she has a feeling he'd like anything she does—her habit of tracing his face, kissing his nose, his brow... as long as she's kissing him, she thinks he's happy. ]
[ that makes her feel all warm and gooey on the inside, but also bold to be somewhat gentle in a way katherine pierce isn't marketed to be. ]
Hm. What about this kiss?
[ she's quick to drop a kiss to his cheek. ]
Or this one?
[ then she drops a kiss to his brow. katherine doesn't ask if she likes a kiss to his hairline or the shell of his ear, or even the corner of his lip. ]
[ is he saying all of this because she's his dating partner? she thinks so. she hopes he ends up saying a lot more because of this shift in their relationship.
lying on her side, katherine reaches for his arm so she can bring his hand up to her neck. while she fully expects him to freak out and possibly recoil, she ensures to place her palm over the back of his hand. ]
( the stiffness from before returns quickly and he tries to yank his hand away, feeling the guilt seep back into his skin. she has a grip on him, though, and all he can do is look away. )
Please.
( she's calmed him down but he can't forget what he'd done. )
[ although she does briefly wonder if she's upsetting the very delicate balance she's created in the faux safe, katherine knows she has to do this. he won't touch her neck again if she doesn't at least try to show that while there are bruises there, he can't hurt her. ]
You're touching my neck very gently, Stefan. You're not hurting me.
[ she keeps her hand flat against his and ensuring her breathing stays even. he's not hurting her, and she wants him to understand that. ]
But that doesn't mean I won't ever hurt you again. I've already done it once.
( what if the next time he panic, he wakes up and hits her? or tries to suffocate her? it's so hard to think of that and still allow himself to be here.
his fingers flex a bit against her neck but he tries to not yank his hand away. )
And I've hurt you how many times and you still let me touch you?
[ stabbing him is a little more violent than a mere choking, in her opinion. yet again, katherine also believes anything she does is ten times worse. ]
If you can't trust yourself to hurt me, then this dating thing isn't going to work.
( that stops any argument at least temporarily. he still doesn't want to be touching her neck so soon after what he's done but he doesn't have the words to really combat what she's just said. )
We weren't dating when you hurt me.
( it's the only thing he can think of to say. he just hates thinking back to his hands around her neck and her desperately trying to shake him loose. )
[ it's a quick and heavy response. she doesn't know if she'd count their relationship in 1864 as "dating", but they had been together in the same way they are now. he's simply a vampire and she's a little more guarded and meaner. ]
I hurt you when we were together.
[ literally, too. it's not something katherine wants to draw light to, but she isn't interested in having him crucify himself over something she has done, too. ]
she has a counter for almost anything he can throw at her. he may have been naive and innocent—most certainly not dumb—but she had taken advantage of that, even if she had been foolishly into him. she knows what she did. he knows what she did. he's said it to her a thousand times.
she has an idea of what's changed.
calmly, ] What makes it any different? What doesn't make it any worse?
[ she remembers how she had bitten him in bed. she remembers how she had compelled him to accept her for who she was. he had been defenceless in the exact way she had been while sleeping—except she knew what she was doing.
she fully expects him to continue arguing with her. ]
You have PTSD, Stefan. Stop berating yourself for having a natural reaction to fight.
[ she can't help but sigh. lifting her head up from the pillow, she digs her elbow into the bed and rests her cheek in the palm of her hand so she can look down at him. ]
( is it even worth saying? he wants to keep her safe but obviously he's not going about it right. is there a right way when it comes to something like this? )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
manipulative) wrote2019-12-08 11:16 am
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( his voice is still slightly strained as he says that but it's not as bad as it was before. )
Don't you?
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[ it's still an odd descriptor for him and her—for "stefan and katherine"—but she lifts her head and peers down at him with a small smile. it's still strange to think that she and stefan have come this far—or even taken this step at all—but despite how it makes her feel uncomfortably out of her element, she's learned to trust that he'll make sure she doesn't stumble.
the black nothingness starts to slowly bleed back into the warm light of his bedroom. ]
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( he knows it's just him. even though he still has something over his eyes in the real world, he can feel the darkness starting to fade somehow. )
Do I have to go fight anyone?
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[ while she's no stranger to men fighting over her, stefan actually putting on his boxing gloves for the first time since he's known her would be very wild and very unpredictable. it's something she likes the idea of.
she looks down at his shoulder and traces the tip of her finger against the fabric of his shirt. ]
What if it's just you?
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( because he wants it to just be him. he wants it to just be him and her and no sharing allowed. )
It's just you for me, you know.
( just in case she was wondering. )
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Good.
[ it's a soft parroting of his words.
she leans forward to press a kiss to the tip of his nose. ] It's going to take some time, but we'll get through this together.
[ the safe, silas, whatever else is nested in this ptsd of his. ]
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( it makes him smile, that little display of intimacy. )
As long as we've known each other and as much as we've done, I think that's the first time you've kissed me there.
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Did you not like it?
[ despite her question, she does smile. she has a feeling he'd like anything she does—her habit of tracing his face, kissing his nose, his brow... as long as she's kissing him, she thinks he's happy. ]
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( he seems to relax a little further now, feeling himself back in a comfortable place and less anxiety now that the darkness had faded away. )
You should know that by now.
( had he not told her that yet? )
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Hm. What about this kiss?
[ she's quick to drop a kiss to his cheek. ]
Or this one?
[ then she drops a kiss to his brow. katherine doesn't ask if she likes a kiss to his hairline or the shell of his ear, or even the corner of his lip. ]
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( his eyes slip closed and he sighs, letting some of his tension ebb away. )
You're very good at kissing. Very good.
( just in case she wasn't aware. he turns, curling into her and reaching to wrap an arm around her. )
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lying on her side, katherine reaches for his arm so she can bring his hand up to her neck. while she fully expects him to freak out and possibly recoil, she ensures to place her palm over the back of his hand. ]
And you're very good at taking care of me.
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( the stiffness from before returns quickly and he tries to yank his hand away, feeling the guilt seep back into his skin. she has a grip on him, though, and all he can do is look away. )
Please.
( she's calmed him down but he can't forget what he'd done. )
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You're touching my neck very gently, Stefan. You're not hurting me.
[ she keeps her hand flat against his and ensuring her breathing stays even. he's not hurting her, and she wants him to understand that. ]
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( what if the next time he panic, he wakes up and hits her? or tries to suffocate her? it's so hard to think of that and still allow himself to be here.
his fingers flex a bit against her neck but he tries to not yank his hand away. )
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[ stabbing him is a little more violent than a mere choking, in her opinion. yet again, katherine also believes anything she does is ten times worse. ]
If you can't trust yourself to hurt me, then this dating thing isn't going to work.
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We weren't dating when you hurt me.
( it's the only thing he can think of to say. he just hates thinking back to his hands around her neck and her desperately trying to shake him loose. )
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[ it's a quick and heavy response. she doesn't know if she'd count their relationship in 1864 as "dating", but they had been together in the same way they are now. he's simply a vampire and she's a little more guarded and meaner. ]
I hurt you when we were together.
[ literally, too. it's not something katherine wants to draw light to, but she isn't interested in having him crucify himself over something she has done, too. ]
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( wasn't it? kind of? he doesn't know. he sighs and closes his eyes, fingers still flexing against her neck. )
I was dumb and naive. I didn't know any better.
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[ something she still believes she is.
she has a counter for almost anything he can throw at her. he may have been naive and innocent—most certainly not dumb—but she had taken advantage of that, even if she had been foolishly into him. she knows what she did. he knows what she did. he's said it to her a thousand times.
she has an idea of what's changed.
calmly, ] What makes it any different? What doesn't make it any worse?
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( they'd been together in 1864 in a way but it wasn't like this. this was completely different. )
You were completely defenseless and you don't expect that to happen when you're sleeping. You don't expect me to do that.
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[ she remembers how she had bitten him in bed. she remembers how she had compelled him to accept her for who she was. he had been defenceless in the exact way she had been while sleeping—except she knew what she was doing.
she fully expects him to continue arguing with her. ]
You have PTSD, Stefan. Stop berating yourself for having a natural reaction to fight.
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I just don't want to hurt you, Katherine, because of this...whatever it is. I don't want to hurt you. I don't think that's such a bad thing.
( he fully expects her to argue right back that it wasn't his fault. )
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It's not a bad thing. But you're pushing me away.
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( is it even worth saying? he wants to keep her safe but obviously he's not going about it right. is there a right way when it comes to something like this? )
I just thought it would help.
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