manipulative | deerington contact.

I think your mother is many things, but being so oblivious isn't one of them.

[ maybe she covered her eyes back when she was human. perhaps she does it even now. but lily had a choice to show herself to stefan tonight, and she did it. why would someone who had survived giuseppe salvatore and whatever hell had befallen her ripper-self come all this way just to make herself feel better? she can't be that oblivious to stefan's hurt, and from what katherine had witnessed, she sincerely doubts she is. ]

She would've had to have known how you felt back home. You're not exactly the most unemotional person, Stefan. When someone hurts you, you let them know. And she seemed very... [ katherine pauses, searching for a word. ] available to hear whatever you needed to say to her, even if it made her feel horrible.

I told her what I had to say.

( there was more he could say, it was true, but it wouldn't have made a difference. the decisions were made and they couldn't be taken back. his mother had chosen someone else and while he hopes her new family feels loved and safe, it wasn't a feeling he'd ever gotten from her.

so, while he can understand what she's saying, he just can't...accept it. he can't let himself believe anything would have changed if his mother had stayed longer and he'd said what he needed to say. )

I don't really want to talk about her anymore. ( he sighs, giving his head a shake. )

[ quietly, ] Okay. We don't have to talk about her anymore.

[ his issues regarding his mother aren't going to mend overnight, and she doubts he'd be able to find peace regarding lily salvatore without having her here. but she can only hope that he feels a little better, even though she doubts it. she can't fathom not hunting down her family, especially her children, given that she had risked everything in 1498 to find nadia again. she wishes lily had done that for stefan.

sliding over towards him, katherine hooks her leg through his and clutches his hand to her chest. she doesn't particularly want him to feel alone, so all she can do is offer him a physical connection once again. with her other hand, she reaches up to brush her fingers against his hair. she doesn't want to see him shake it again. ]

How's your shoulder?

It's fine.

( he watches her come closer, smile flickering across his face as she does before he glances down at his shoulder. there's still a mark where the wood had pierced but it's healing nicely at this point. )

I think the table got it worse than you or I did. I'll have to clean that up and buy a new one tomorrow.

( since he doesn't want to just eat in his living room all the time. )

Maybe something reinforced this time.

[ she hates the fact that she's blushing. it'd been the first time in a very long time that she had broken anything during sex. it's the first time she truly did let go—and she feels a tad guilty that he now has to go and buy himself a new table. to her credit, she doesn't duck her head to hide her face from him. the less attention she draws to her flush, the better. ]

Maybe consider something that can withstand the strength of a 700 year old vampire.

[ since that's them combined. does that imply she wants to do it again? because she actually does. trying to break a sturdy table with him sounds like fun.

katherine lifts her hand to glide her fingers over his shoulder, unable to really stop herself from touching him. she may have his hand in her other hand, but it's not enough. ] I'm sorry about your table. May it rest in pieces.

That'll be the first thing I ask about when I speak to a sales associate.

( the 'if i want to have sex on this table with someone who can break a building in half, will it hold?' that would be a great story to tell when the sales associates tries t throw him out.

he snickers. )

It was a good table. I'm glad we got to enjoy it before we broke it into thoughts of pieces.

I may have led the charge in breaking your table, but I think it's your fault it actually broke. [ she states that as matter-of-factly as possible, with her tone leaving no room for argument. why would he argue with what she plans on saying next? ]

You were very awful in teasing me.

[ and by awful, she means very good, but giving him a compliment that isn't hidden between the lines of what she's saying isn't her being katherine.

have they ever really spoken about sex after having it? it's become this great elephant in the room when it comes to verbally acknowledge it. the elephant doesn't seem to exist when it comes to them physically escalating the situation again. ]

It's my fault? ( stefan scoffs and rolls his eyes but there's amusement in his voice. he thinks it had been both their faults because while he'd started it, she'd been the one to react in a way that broke his table. )

So, what's the excuse for cracking my sink? ( he hadn't really been teasing her then. ) If anyone got teased then, it was me.

( with her encouraging the biting and all. )

[ yes, it's his fault for being her achilles heel. he could've done anything to her on that table and she still would've broken it because he's him. she still would've broken his sink even if he happened to stand behind her and simply press into her. she's becoming awfully easy for him and doesn't really care.

katherine feigns a look of offence. ] You were being teased? [ making a pfft sound, she shakes her head and frowns, ] I thought you were getting a very good blowjob. Am I remembering that incorrectly?

You're not.

( he coughs, licking his lips because no, that had been an outstanding blowjob just like anytime she touched him was outstanding. he laughs quietly, feeling a blush hit his cheeks. )

It was a very good blowjob. But it's always been like that.

( she knew what she was doing in that department and while he thinks he's still catching up, he likes to hope she likes when he touches her too. )

[ ah, see? how the turntables. katherine doesn't hide her smug smile, liking the fact that he's blushing. she's already feeling incredibly smug at his compliment, his facial expression only adds to her growing confidence. friends definitely do not talk about how to fuck one another, but then their friendship is a special kind of friendship.

she wants to reach out to touch his cheeks and see if his blush is as warm as it's making her feel, but she refrains from doing so. ]

Then I think you're wrong. You weren't being teased. I was. [ she withdraws her hand from touching his shoulder and swaps the hand that's holding his against her chest. propping herself up on her elbow and resting her cheek in her palm, she looks down at him smugly. ] You should've been rougher.

I...wasn't rough enough?

( he'd bitten her and bruised her and he's not sure how he could be rougher than that without hurting her. so frowns, looking thoughtful. )

How could I have been rougher?

( stefan's honestly curious and hopeful that she'll just tell him and not tease him and say he had to figure it out himself. )

[ now, this is where katherine stumbles a little in her confidence. she could say something that totally puts stefan off or... she could say something that does the complete opposite. what's obvious to her is that he seems to be very fond (or in the habit of) keeping himself in check to the point where he seems to be more in his head than in the moment. she likes the moments where he slips.

she does appear a little sheepish, glancing down at his chest so she can't see his expression. ] It's sexy when you lose control and... move me around.

I know I don't...let go easily.

( even with her, someone who could stop him from hurting her and anyone else, he knows he still holds back. he doesn't know how to change that and how to remove the mental block that's stopping him from fully letting go. )

I've spent years training myself to not lose control so trying to do that voluntarily isn't easy.

Maybe it's time you start training yourself to let go a little and live.

[ for specific things, of course. she doesn't expect him to go out to a club tomorrow night and start biting people for the hell of it. but she thinks that, for someone who has spent over a century reeling himself in out of fear, that he's missing out on the actual training part.

she's not judging him. she's merely pointing out what she thinks is a weakness in his strategy, and one that she believes klaus exploited all those years ago. ]

You can only control so much, Stefan. And when you inevitably lose that control... you need to make sure you've put in place ways to survive through that. Holding back on everything isn't the way to achieve it.

I really don't know how to do that. I've trained. Damon's tried to help me. Other people have tried to help me. I don't —

( he trails off and shrugs, rubbing a hand over his chest. he wants to be able to loose control and not risk turning into a ruthless murderer. but until he figures out a way for that to happen, he has to keep himself in control. )

Until I figure out a way, I think just staying in control as much as I can is the best bet.

[ she hums thoughtfully.

to the credit of everyone who has tried to help him, they tried. katherine doubts that they've dug in deep to understand just what it is about stefan that makes him tick differently. knowing damon, he would've slapped a blood bag in his hands and told him that was the bandaid he needed for all of his blood issues. ]

You've never had Katherine Pierce help you try and control it. [ she shrugs, wanting to come off rather flippant. in fact, she feels a bit nervous saying so. she knows exactly what she's offering and she doesn't particularly want to be rejected. ] I'm just saying.

I haven't.

( the closest he's had to katherine's help during one of his periods of addiction had been recently. she'd seen him a few times when he'd been off the rails but she hadn't ever been around until now to see the aftermath.

he doesn't hold that against her, he knows she was doing what she needed to do to survive so maybe something different is what he needs. )

How would you try and help me?

[ for her quick and dirty game plan? do everything the others didn't.

she narrows her eyes thoughtfully, taking the time to mull it over. she takes her time in answering, knowing that one wrong word may mean he doesn't take her up on her offer for some reason hidden beneath his excuse of "i don't want to burden you." considering what had made him put his ripper self back in his cage, she thinks she does have her answer. she just has to dig deep to find it and be able to understand it. ]

To me, it's all mental. I could never leave a trail of bodies behind because it meant you-know-who would find me, so I had a little self-preservation incentive to keep my urges at bay. [ she's primarily thinking aloud; katherine doesn't particularly want a gold star for curbing her own cravings while being a newly-made vampire with no understanding of what she was. ] It's not about decreasing the amount that you drink, it's about changing your perception of it. Haven't you ever tried changing the way you associate yourself with blood?

( stefan's not even sure how he would do that. blood is blood. he needs it to survive and if he drinks too much, he'll end up doing things he doesn't want to do. to curb that, he'd just stopped drinking human blood all together. and it had helped, he had been okay but he hadn't been whole either. )

I don't even know how I'd do that.

( he sighs, shaking his head. ) A vampire needs blood. It's that simple. You need it, I need it. But you have control where I don't. Not enough of it to allow myself to drink like you do or my brother does or anyone does.

[ she frowns, shaking her head. ] You have control. You just don't know what works for you.

[ what works for katherine: her need to survive and be in control. what works for her won't work for him. stefan is made of different stuff, which is fine—not everyone can have the motivation of not wanting to leave one drop of blood for a psychotic millennia-old egomaniac to find.

exhaling, she smiles sheepishly. ] I don't know how this whole being a Ripper thing works since I kind of avoided being around them for a particular reason. But it's controllable, just like everything is. You just have to find your trigger.

( he sighs, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. he's uncertain about this because changing his way of thinking when it comes to his control and not turning into a ripper isn't an easy thing. )

A trigger for staying in control?

( is that what she's proposing? he has triggers for bringing him back but he really can't think of anything that would trigger him not to go too far in the first place besides the love he has for his friends and family. )

[ katherine shuffles onto her stomach and looks down at him. it's very tempting to trace the lines of his hard muscle, but she keeps her hands away from following that thought. she knows that if she does, it has the high chance of escalating and... while she definitely doesn't mind going back on her decision of being okay about not coming, she actually wants to talk about this without too many distractions. ]

Yeah. [ she shrugs. ] You being responsible for Damon's "murder" [ she air quotes. ] is what brought you back from the Ripper brink. It doesn't have to be as detailed as that, but whenever you feel like you're getting out of control, remembering something that grounds you will help you control it.

[ looking down at the pillow in front of her, she shifts in the hopes of downplaying it. ] I think of Nadia.

But I don't know if it can be Damon because thinking he was gone was what —

( well, it's what sent him right into that spiral in the first place. could a person be both the trigger into and out of it? he doesn't know if he wants to take that chance. )

Nadia's a good trigger. I think she could keep you grounded no matter what. ( he just...doesn't have a nadia. he has people he cares about, people he loves but he doesn't have a solidifying force like she has. )

[ this is the first time katherine's ever admitted to anyone just how much she carries nadia with her. it doesn't surprise her that he's kind about it. she confesses it because she knows it's safe for her to do so with him.

she keeps her gaze lowered and shrugs to downplay it. ] I kept thinking every time I wanted to just dig in and lose control, I couldn't. Because if I did, I'd risk not being able to be in the headspace I needed to be in to see her again. [ she looks at him and lowers her gaze to rest on his neck. ] It didn't matter to me that it was 300 years later and she would... be dead.

[ even though nadia is most certainly six feet under, katherine always stupidly held onto the hope of seeing her again. deerington fulfilled that hope, even though it's not in the way she had wanted it to be.

she lets her gaze lift to his face again. pursing her lips thoughtfully, she shrugs a shoulder, ] It doesn't have to be Damon. It could be a group of people. Do you want to lose so much control that you miss out on living?

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