manipulative | deerington contact.

[ katherine doesn't move away from him. she still stands in front of him but to the side, dropping her hand from his cheek and taking his hand. she doesn't particularly want lily to have a clear line of sight of stefan, but she has a feeling this may be best for him. maybe he needs to be able to see lily without anyone blocking his way so he can get what he needs from reading her.

she doesn't understand the uncertainty in his body, but she chooses to believe in stefan's body language over lily's. it doesn't take much for her to clue in that something's transpired that he hasn't told her about—and why would he? it's not like they sat down to discuss mothers in rapture or in the last month. all she can do is listen to his voice and the way he may try to layer it to appear steady, his heartbeat and lily's.

holding his hand with both of hers, katherine ensures that she's turned towards him with every intention of being able to push him away if his mother chooses to attack. she doesn't know her, but she's had one experience with a ripper to know not to let her guard down. ]

( buoyed by katherine's presence, stefan takes a few breaths and straightens up. there's still a steely sort of tension running down his spine but he doesn't feel the shaky shock that he had when he'd come down here and seen his mother. )

I'm here to see you. I thought that would be obvious. I know, we left things —

( stefan actually steps forward at that, keeping his hand in katherine's but unable to not let some of his anger and hurt leech through. )

You lied to me. ( it comes out through gritted teeth in a tight tone. ) I defended you and you brought me back but it was all a lie, wasn't it?

( lily doesn't flinch or step back. she keeps looking at stefan steadily. )

It was for a good reason.

( the grip stefan has around katherine's hand tightens. if she were anyone else, it might break their hand but he doesn't worry about that with her. not now, at least. )

[ his grip on her hand is almost painful, but katherine doesn't pull hers away or try to alleviate any of the discomfort she feels. if he needs to grip her so hard her hand bruises, then he can do so. she'll heal, even if it takes a little longer than normal. her hand has gone through far worse than being an emotional weight for someone.

she can't help her frown, looking to lily to try and gage the sincerity of her words. if stefan's anything to go by, lily wanting to make amends isn't particularly welcome. she's been there; it's difficult being on the receiving end of stefan's otherwise very warm and compassionate shoulder. she feels just a little bit of sympathy for lily, but she knows that that ire has been well-earned by him. he's not damon; he's not as emotionally volatile and doesn't wear his ego on his sleeve.

all she can do is let him grip the hand he holds in his and wrap her other hand gently around his wrist. she won't let him advance towards lily and do something she knows he'll regret. ]

( there's a part of him that wants to lunge at her and get his hands around her neck. he wants to punish her like she'd punished both he and damon for so, so long. )

A good reason? You told me you looked for me. You told me that you searched for me but you didn't. You didn't. You left just like everyone else and you lied about it. You didn't look for us. You didn't care about us. You just — you just left.

( his words die out then and he shakes his head. )

Why didn't you look for me?

( what was so wrong with he and his brother that his mother didn't care? lily takes a deep breath and looks away, giving her head a shake. he doesn't know what he expected. honesty? from his mother? )

It doesn't matter. I survived.

( lily, again, tries to say something. she opens her mouth and then closes it after a second. )

I couldn't find you. I had — I had to live my own life. ( stefan takes that in and then shakes his head angrily. )

[ she definitely feels like she's intruding simply by being here, but katherine ensures to remain quiet, listening to stefan break from being stoic and seemingly okay to someone who very clearly just wanted his mother to be around. it makes her feel incredibly uncomfortable. stefan is the strong one; he remains unemotional and unwavering.

she can't help but wonder if nadia had grown up wondering the same thing. all she can do is brush her thumb over the pulse in his wrist, hoping that he can somehow feel her beneath all that pent up anger. ]

You could've found him. [ she hadn't expected herself to speak, but she does as she looks hard at lily. her brow furrows slightly, her own body feeling tense at this unknown variable in his kitchen. ] You shouldn't have given up. How can you continue living your life without having your child in it?

[ she didn't, not even after it had become obvious her daughter couldn't be alive anymore. hadn't she said to him that true love was never giving up? ]

I had other responsibilities. I had a new family. They needed me.

( lily doesn't know why she feels the need to explain herself, not to someone she doesn't know but she's obviously someone to stefan with the way she holds onto him and steadies him and seems to keep him from losing control. )

A new family? A new family? You left us with — ( with their father. she'd left him and damon alone and while stefan had been safe, damon hadn't. it's unforgivable and unforgettable. )

He hurt us. ( physically, mentally, any way. ) And you left and found someone else to love. And then lied to me about that when you were trying to get me to come back. Because I believe you. I'm an idiot.

[ her eyes narrow as she looks at lily, unable to see stefan's mother stand before her.

now she can understand where his hostility and uncertainty had come from when he'd seen his mother standing in his kitchen. at first, she had suspected perhaps it was misplaced—stefan is capable of it, with both his ire and his forgiveness—and that eventually he'd lower his guard and let his estranged mother in. now she understands it.

she can't fathom what it must be like to give birth to two sons and instantly give up on them. while katherine had formed a new family with pearl, she would never choose pearl and anna and those tomb vampires over her daughter if she had the choice. her daughter still needed her, even after she was long since dead. katherine still needed her child.

a new family sounded more like a bandaid than anything. that sympathy she had felt for lily morphs into pity. this woman doesn't know anything about familial love.

while still looking at lily, she gently says, ] You're not an idiot, Stefan. [ she grips his hand a little tighter, wondering if he can even feel it. she ensures to stand beside him so that he doesn't feel entirely alone. looking up at him, ] You're not an idiot for wanting your mother.

She didn't want me. She didn't want Damon. We weren't —

( he shakes his head, giving his mother a long look before he pulls out of katherine's grip and turns to leave. he moves out of the kitchen and then out of the house entirely, stepping into the backyard and sitting down on the steps.

it's still dark out, the moon high in the sky but he needs some fresh air. he needs some space and he needs to not be looking at his mother.

back in the kitchen, lily sighs, not looking all that apologetic. her eyes fall on katherine and she asks a question that has nothing to do about what's happened: )

Who are you?

[ she has to let him go. katherine thinks to follow him, but her feet remain firmly planted on the floor as he walks out of the kitchen and out of his house. she can hear his footsteps and then him shift somewhere outside. at least he hasn't run. she doesn't think stefan would forgive himself if he left his house and went somewhere far, far away without this closure.

when lily addresses her, she turns around and looks at her. she crosses her arms against her chest, uncaring that she may not look as particularly formidable or intimidating dressed in only his shirt. it's discomforting to be standing in this room with a woman she doesn't know, but if stefan needs a moment to collect himself, then she'll be his proxy until he returns. ]

Katherine. [ she doesn't pretend to be happy or intimidated to be standing in the same room as stefan's mother. she doesn't think she particularly deserves her faux politeness. giuseppe had used that all up. ] I'm a very old friend.

[ very old, did she catch that? maybe she's being far too passive-aggressive. not interested in letting lily dictate this conversation, she shakes her head disapprovingly. ]

You really don't care that you hurt him.

( very old friend. a friend that stefan hadn't mentioned and hadn't been around when she'd found him a little while ago. she thinks to ask about that but doesn't. she's not sure she'd get an answer. )

I care but there's nothing that can be done about it now. I made my decision.

( and she stands by it. her family had needed her and she'd been there for them. she recognizes that it had been at the expense of stefan and damon. she sighs, arms still crossed.

she looks away. )

I can't take back the decision I made and I...don't think I would.

( she loves her family. she would do anything for them and while there is still...a feeling for her sons, it's not what it should be. )

[ narrowing her eyes, katherine shakes her head. she bristles with anger. she's certain she'd still feel this amount of irritation and disappointment towards this woman even if she hadn't been able to hold her own child in her arms for the very first time and have him hold her when she was falling apart.

she's always cared about stefan; this is the first time she's allowed herself to fully embrace it and show it. ]

That's your failure. Stefan's a very good man, and it's not because of you. It's not even because of Giuseppe. [ giuseppe had coddled him and suffocated him. stefan had loved his father, but there's a reason why he'd been his very first victim. like a bird in a cage, becoming a vampire finally freed him from at least that.

katherine thinks of staying where she is, but she feels compelled to move. keeping her arms crossed against her chest, she's slow in her approach to lily. she wants to see every flicker and tic of her expression. ]

Your new family will never make you feel as fulfilled as you did when you were with him. You'll look for that feeling and you'll want it for the rest of your life, but you'll never get it. [ she stands in front of her, keeping her eyes narrowed and brows furrowed, ] You may think you have it, but deep down, you know you don't. There's a reason why you're here.

( stefan doesn't stay gone long. as much as he think katherine would be able to handle it, it's not her job to handle it. it's his mother and he can't let her take his burdens.

so, he gets himself off the steps and comes back inside. it's easy to hear katherine's sharp, precise words as soon as he steps inside and, despite everything, a smile wants to flicker its way across his face at her words.

it doesn't but, as he comes back into the kitchen, his eyes settle on her for a few moments before he looks back at his mother. )

I wanted you to be in my life.

( it's the only thing he'd wanted for so long. and when he thought he'd got it it, to find out it was a lie, all fake, it had done a number on his trust of her. )

I can't — I can't change what I did, Stefan. It's done. But, you have to believe me when I said I thought about you. I think about you still. I missed you but I couldn't come back.

( and he wants to ask why but would it help? would it do anything? )

I wanted to see how you were doing after what happened. I know...I know the circumstances around me helping you weren't completely truthful but my reason for being there was. I wanted to help.

( stefan stares at her for a long time before he nods tightly. )

I'm okay. This place isn't easy to deal with but I have help. ( his eyes move to katherine there before he sighs. ) You don't need to worry about me.

[ she hears him before he re-enters the kitchen. katherine doesn't look at him immediately, instead wanting to watch lily's expression to see if there are any cracks in her armour that she can exploit. but it looks like she doesn't need to—stefan's come back with his own armour readjusted. still, she keeps her gaze on her for a moment longer before she discerns stefan doesn't need her to fight this one for him. maybe he needed her to ensure lily stayed in case she felt like giving up and disappearing in a whirlwind of fireflies. maybe he didn't need her at all.

she stays where she is, near lily and with her arms crossed, but looks at stefan rather than his mother. he looks far stronger than he did moments ago, more put together, less taken aback by someone who is a ghost to him (in more than the current literal sense). she feels her desire to stand between them is void.

walking over towards him, she looks back at lily. looking past lily's shoulder, katherine's brows furrow together as she finds herself saying, ] I think you should be proud of who your son has become. [ she lifts her gaze to look at lily's face, ] You should feel lucky he still calls you family.

[ it could be far worse. stefan had every right to disown his mother, but he was a far better man than many. ]

Edited (saw a typo and promptly died) 2020-04-17 04:26 (UTC)

You made your choices and I guess I should be glad for your new family that you didn't leave them too. They got what I didn't. But at least someone got it. At least you were someone's mother.

( he'd moved on. he'd survived. he'd met katherine, he'd died, he'd turned and he was here today. he'd gone through his life thinking she was dead when she wasn't. when she was just somewhere else with people that she loved more than him.

he looks down, curling his fingers into a fist but shaking his head. )

I don't hate you. But I'm not who you want. You're here and that's something but it's not enough. Not anymore.

( he needed more from her than just assurances that he was missed. he doesn't believe her and he doesn't trust her. )

I'm sorry that you didn't get to know me. ( but he wasn't going to start that process now. it was too late. )

[ katherine doesn't know if that's him signalling his closure over any matters pertaining to his mother. she has a feeling that wound will never properly heal, but maybe it's become bearable to live with now. she doesn't know. her gut tells her lily won't be able to give stefan what he needs, and maybe stefan is fine with that. he understands what people are capable of giving him far more than anyone else. that doesn't mean he still can't be disappointed and disheartened.

standing beside him, she keeps her arms loose and by her sides so her posture remains relaxed. being turned away hurts, and it must be heartbreaking on some level for lily that her youngest son doesn't want to open himself up to her. but katherine's learned intimately that actions have consequences, and she supposes mrs salvatore will now need to live with hers... in whatever place she's going to next.

glancing at him, she's not quite sure if he's going to let his mother go. despite all that hurt, he still must have some hope that lily salvatore will surprise him, that she might reach for him or try to press her fingers into a crack he's left for her to try and wedge open. katherine has a good feeling she won't.

she looks at lily, keeping her tone even, ] I think you should go now. Unless there was something else that you wanted.

No.

( she'd gotten what she wanted. just a glimpse, just another look at her son. stefan manages to meet her gaze steadily but he nods. it's time for her to go. )

I just wanted to make sure he was all right. And he looks fine. Take care of yourself, Stefan. I hope I see you soon.

( he doesn't answer, finally looking away when the fireflies that had coalesced and brought her to him seem to take her away right in front of his eyes. soon enough, there's two heartbeats in the room and the red glow is gone.

it's just dark and the low hum of electricity remains. )

[ her gaze lingers on where lily once stood, feeling a pang of sadness that this particular reunion hasn't gone as kindly as it could. but there's nothing she can do other than make sure that he knows that she's here and supports the decisions he made, even if she lacks the emotional context behind them. lily got what she needed, and she hopes that stefan did, too. katherine may not be entirely optimistic, but lily's words seemed promising of something far better in his future.

once it seems like those fireflies won't come together again, she turns her body to stefan and brushes her fingers down his arm. she looks up at him with concern and keeps her voice gentle, ] Are you okay?

[ maybe a stupid question, but she figures it's best not to assume. there's still so much she doesn't know about stefan, and this is one of them. ]

( it hurts, watching his mother leave again but he knows that that's the best he can hope for. she'd come to find him this time and they'd talked but he isn't equipped to offer her more right now.

he waits until she's gone, until there's no one here but two of them before taking a breath. )

I'm okay.

( but as he says it, he's moving, reaching for her face to cradle it between his hands so he can lean down and press his forehead to hers. his thumbs brush back and forth against her cheeks, eyes open but dark.

he's okay but he's not sure he would be this okay if she hadn't been here to support him, buoy him, give him something to lean against when no one else was here. )

[ she will always be taken aback by how he seems to reach for her now. it's a new element to their relationship, and it's one that may always take her by surprise. she ensures she keeps her head tilted upright so he can do what he needs, and presses her forehead to his to make sure he understands that she's here.

resting her hands on top of the back of his, she tries to look up at him without shifting too much. she quickly settles for looking down his long legs and to his feet.

quietly, ] So, that was your mother. [ to her credit, she does try to inject lightness into her voice, but it doesn't quite work. brushing her thumbs against the back of his hands, she shrugs, ] She doesn't know what she's missing out on.

[ she means that. she would hope the wife of giuseppe would see her youngest son and be proud that she survived him. maybe she is. ]

Maybe.

( he doesn't know what to make of his mother's appearance. he feels stupid for still hoping that she'll want to see he and damon and every single time, he gets that hope crushed.

he sighs, fingers still brushing her cheeks when he decides that he wants to do more. he's sore and raw, feeling exposed and restless and seen in a way he doesn't deal with often.

this isn't something he's supposed to do. it happened once and it shouldn't happen again but stefan doesn't even stop himself when he leans in closer to her, nose nudging against hers for a second before his mouth slots against hers to try and kiss her.

she could push him away, he knows. but he hopes she doesn't. )

[ even though she knows what's happening seconds before he does it, she doesn't see it coming. maybe she should. her emotionally-charged moment with nadia was supposed to be a one-off. but then this must be an incredibly heavy moment for stefan, and so katherine only does what she knows how to do: she responds to him.

she lets him kiss her before she cradles his cheeks in her palms and she presses up to him, firmly sloping her mouth against his so he knows she's here. she's with him all the way in whatever way he needs. if he needs a physical connection, she'll give it to him in any way she can. she wants to; it's not all out of obligation or need to owe any debts. katherine genuinely wants to give stefan what he needs, and if that's a kiss, then she'll ensure he gets it. if it's something more, she wants to give it to him. ]

( right now, all he wants is this. if asked, he'd just say he wants katherine and whatever that entails. he wants to sink into something familiar and comforting and someone that was still standing with him while everyone else seemed to walk away or disappear or decide that they wanted someone else.

this isn't how their friendship is supposed to work but she's not pushing him away. her hands are gentle on his face and her body's warm against his. after they'd slept together the first time, they hadn't really talked about it and it seemed to be mutually decided it'd be a one time thing.

except now it's happening again.

stefan winds his arms around her waist, bringing her against him and deepening that kiss. now, the only sounds he can hear are their shared breathing and the movements of her mouth against his. )

[ maybe they should talk about it, about how he feels about his mom reappearing and wanting to see him, about how he feels and what he doesn't want to feel again. but she knows that he will when he's ready. she won't push him this time; prodding and pushing and throwing him into the walls of that building in rapture had been a one-time thing to get him to open up. it seems to have worked far better than she had ever anticipated. she hopes that he'd tell her if he wanted to.

so, she lets him dictate the kiss and pull her to him. he's warm; she's always liked being against his body, especially when all she's wearing is his shirt. all she can smell is him, from what she's wearing to the person who's holding her. if she was the one who needed comforting, that's all she'd need.

she drops her arms to his back to press a palm between his shoulder blades, using it as leverage to push herself more firmly against his chest, and fingers the other in his hair at the base of his neck. she lets out a contented sigh, standing on the tips of her toes so she can press into him as much as possible. ]

( they should talk about it and maybe he will once he gets past the initial swell of emotion. right now, he just wants to be close to her. it's the only thing in his mind and the only thing on his mind.

he tightens his grip around her, bringing her flush against him and walking them backwards. he's pretty sure there's a counter top or a table or something there that he can press her again and, if things keep going, lay her on.

he's not sure if she'll let it get that far since they agreed on the last time being the last time. but she's also not trying to slow him down or point him somewhere else.

so, he presses and he kisses and he holds onto her, putting what happened just now behind him and focusing on her. )

[ oh, okay, so maybe they're definitely doing this again—or maybe stefan wants to deposit her on a table so that she can wrap her legs and arms around him and hold him to her far more firmly than she could while standing. it doesn't matter—she'll hold him however he wants, even if it's clothed or naked. she wants to be there for and with him, and she finds herself selfishly hoping he'll fuck her again.

with him walking them backwards, all she has is him to guide her to where he wants to go. it feels a little clumsy at first, but she thinks she quickly falls into his pace and ensures her feet don't get caught under his toes. her back bumps into the table and she makes a surprised sound against his mouth.

removing her hands from him and pulling away, she hoists herself to sit on its edge. she keeps her legs wide for him to step into and pulls the hem of the shirt she wears from out beneath her so the fabric doesn't pull taut against her throat. looking at him with her gaze soft and lips parted, she reaches a hand to his face to brush her thumb against his bottom lip. ]

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