manipulative | deerington contact.

What I want is to not choke you again because I'm in the middle of a nightmare.

( he doesn't want to look at finger shaped bruises on her neck and he doesn't want to know that hes the cause of it. )

I don't want to hurt you.

You are when you push me away, Stefan.

[ he's let her in and he's let her help him for the last several months that katherine doesn't want to lose that over a nightmare. because that's what it is—a nightmare that's formed from untreated ptsd. she doesn't need five centuries' worth of it to know that he's still processing his trauma.

she reaches up to gently trace his jaw. ] I trust you. Nothing's going to change that.

I don't trust myself.

( not now, not anymore. she's stronger than him but this tonight proves that he can still hurt her. he turns to look away from her but he doesn't try and jostle her hand away. )

I could do something worse than that next time, Katherine.

[ she frowns. ] Do you really think I'd let you do that?

[ she may be stronger and faster, but what she has that others who are her age and older don't is her knack for survival. it even extends to those she cares about, even though she hasn't had much experience in keeping others alive. none of them really matter. none of them are stefan. ]

I wouldn't let you do something you can't come back from.

And how are you going to stop me? You couldn't stop me this time, Katherine. If you're not there, then I don't choke you.

( that was right, right? logical. he's just trying to avoid ruining this with his issues. )

You shouldn't have to guard against this. I should — I shouldn't be like this. It's been months. I should be fine.

It's been over five hundred years and I'm still not over what happened to be when I was seventeen years old.

[ that's a first for her to admit, but katherine accentuates it with a shrug. she doesn't want him to feel horrible about not being over something that happened to him over a year or so ago. she doesn't blame him. ]

This isn't something you just get over, Stefan. Hiding from it only means it sits with you longer.

[ she curls the hand not touching his face around the edge of the vanity. she reaches up with her other to cup his cheek. ] If you want to sleep by yourself, then I'll go sleep in Nadia's room. But I'm not going to leave you.

Katherine...

( stefan trails off, shoulders slumping. he really does think some distance would be safer for her but it doesn't appear that she thinks so.

and while sleeping in nadia's room is a good solution, it's not going to make his worry go away, he knows. he shudders, still feeling the fingers of what he'd done to her holding onto him. )

I'm not going to be able to go back to sleep tonight.

That's fine.

[ she drops her hand from his face to rub his arm. she's grateful he isn't pushing her away once more. all she wants is to be there for him in the same way he's been there for her.

she doesn't think him being alone will help.

she shrugs her shoulder and smiles. ] I'm not tired. We can keep each other company.

You should put something on your neck.

( he knows she'll heal but he hates seeing the bruises and he hates the thought of that hurting her for even one more minute. )

Ice or something.

( he doesn't, at least, try and argue with her about staying up with him. )

[ it's on the tip of her tongue to argue with him, but she decides not to. she doesn't want to go and get any ice, but she knows that it'll at least make stefan feel a little more comfortable. she wants him to feel comfortable around her. ]

Okay. [ she brushes her fingers against his wrist. ] You go back to bed and I'll go get some ice.

[ she doesn't move to go down to his kitchen just yet. ]

Fine.

( is he actually going to go back to bed? it's hard to say. he's not going to leave the house but he doesn't know if he wants to go back to the spot where he had his nightmare. )

I'll be okay. Just...I'll be fine.

[ katherine doesn't take that as her cue to leave. she drops her hand from his wrist so she can lift herself up onto the vanity. she feels like he can't look away from her if she's almost at his height now.

she thinks she already knows what he's thinking. he has no intentions of going back to bed. ]

You go to bed and then I'll go.

( when she makes no move to leave, he frowns. he should have known better because katherine pierce is not stupid and she knows him in ways few people do.

he looks at her for a brief second before his eyes skitter away, landing on one of the walls. )

I said I was going to go. You don't trust me?

( smart woman. )

No.

[ she shakes her head. she wants to feel guilty over that answer, but all things considered, her sugarcoating it will only lead him on. he's not being completely honest with her. she intends to be very honest with him.

it's going to take a lot more to get her to leave the bathroom before him. ]

I think you're telling me what you think I want to hear. But I'm not leaving until you've gone back to bed. [ she tilts her head to the side as she regards him. ] Why won't you look at me?

[ of course, she knows why. ]

I'm looking at you.

( he swings his gaze back to her briefly before he looks away again, not wanting to stare too long because he knows his eyes will wander to her neck if he does that. )

Fine, I'll go back to bed.

( if it means she doesn't challenge him about looking at at her, he will. he turns and slips of the bathroom to head back to his bed. )

[ when he leaves, katherine sighs. she doesn't want to go get ice, but she figures if he's going to meet her halfway, she needs to do the same.

she goes down to the kitchen and collects an icepack from the freezer, and before she comes back upstairs, she makes sure to button his shirt all the way up to the very top button. it won't hide the bruises forming on her skin, but it'll at least shield them from his view. hopefully, he'll relax somewhat in her presence.

she walks back up the stairs and nestles that icepack against the left side of her neck, wincing at the cold. she ensures to walk into his room with it in place and comes to sit back on the bed. ]

( stefan, at least, hadn't veered off and gone somewhere else when he'd headed back to the room.

he'd gone back, sat down and leaning against the pillows, one knee bent while he rubs at his forehead.

when she comes in, he peers up at her and then looks down again. )

How's it feel?

A little sore, but I'll live.

[ really, the icepack is more for him. her neck may hurt and her throat may still feel like sandpaper to talk through, but she's fine. it's hardly anything close to what it could've been.

katherine manoeuvres herself so she's sitting cross-legged on the bed, facing him. she moves the icepack to the other side of her neck. she doesn't wince nor look pained; she simply watches him. ]

How are you feeling?

I'm fine.

( it's automatic, instinctive. he sighs and leans back against the pillows, staring forward because even with the shirt and the ice pack, he doesn't want to look at her right now because all he's going to do is what he's done. )

I'll be fine.

( at least he was giving her that? that he wasn't maybe okay right now but he'd get there. )

[ as much as katherine wants to drop the icepack from her neck, she keeps it there for him. she notices how he doesn't look at her. she knows why—his guilt must be eating him up inside—but it doesn't make her feel entirely great when she's so used to him looking at her.

she waits a moment before she moves the icepack to the other side, resting it more against her shoulder than her neck. ]

Did you want to talk about it? [ she asks it as gently as possible, fully expecting him to decline. ]

I told you what it was.

( silas and the safe. being held underwater. drowning. just drowning. )

I thought you were someone else.

( and he'd reacted violently and without thought. )

[ she hums and nods, taking a moment to think about what she wants to say next. he may not be one to talk about his feelings, but it's a little clear to her that he might want to. if he didn't, he could've ignored her question and not answered her at all.

she lets her hand with the icepack drop to the bed beside her. ]

What was he doing to you? Putting you back in the safe?

I was already in the safe. He was just holding me there.

( and he was a two thousand year old creature with strength that even katherine couldn't get close to. )

I didn't want to drown again.

( he's so, so sick of drowning. )

[ that's understandable—she wouldn't want him to drown and she wouldn't want to drown herself. it's a survival instinct that she understands more than anyone.

she shifts and moves from her spot on the edge of the bed to the pillows. she doesn't touch him; she crosses her legs and faces him, resting her hands on her thighs. ]

Did he hold you down when it all happened before?

He didn't have to. We thought he was dead but he wasn't. He surprised me and I didn't really have any time to prepare.

( one minute he was fine, the next he was in a safe. )

I woke up in the water.

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