manipulative | deerington contact.

[ she jumps. she doesn't expect him to smack his hands against the sink, and while that causes her to jump against his back, she keeps her arms wrapped tightly around him. nothing he does is going to have her running for the hills. ]

I know you wouldn't hurt me, Stefan.

[ he's had plenty of opportunities to do so, and he refuses to, each and every time. she knows that it's not his intention. ]

You know that, too, right?

How can you say that when I just did hurt you, Katherine?

( his hand had been around her neck and he would have kept squeezing until she'd thrown him off or he'd managed to fight his way out of the nightmare. )

I just did. I put my hand around your neck and I choked you. I could do it again.

[ she sighs quietly. while her grip around his middle slackens, she doesn't stop touching him. she comes to stand beside him, leaning back against the bathroom sink so she can peers up at him. she keeps her hand on his hip. ]

You weren't trying to hurt me. I know that. You have to know that, too.

[ she peers up at him and tries to catch his eye. ]

It was just a nightmare.

It wasn't.

( he shakes his head and peers at himself in the mirror. he looks tired, worn but any of the rabid fear from the safe is gone for the moment. )

It's going to happen again. I can't stop it, it's just —

( he bows his head, sighing. )

Maybe you shouldn't sleep with me for awhile.

[ katherine stays where she is, keeping her hand on him as she doesn't want him to feel like she's physically pulling away from him.

she tries to hide her disappointment. she doesn't believe that's going to fix anything. if it's going to achieve something, it's prolonging his uncertainty if he's ever going to choke her again. even though he may be right and that it'll happen again, at least he wouldn't be dealing with it alone. ]

Is that what you want?

What I want is to not choke you again because I'm in the middle of a nightmare.

( he doesn't want to look at finger shaped bruises on her neck and he doesn't want to know that hes the cause of it. )

I don't want to hurt you.

You are when you push me away, Stefan.

[ he's let her in and he's let her help him for the last several months that katherine doesn't want to lose that over a nightmare. because that's what it is—a nightmare that's formed from untreated ptsd. she doesn't need five centuries' worth of it to know that he's still processing his trauma.

she reaches up to gently trace his jaw. ] I trust you. Nothing's going to change that.

I don't trust myself.

( not now, not anymore. she's stronger than him but this tonight proves that he can still hurt her. he turns to look away from her but he doesn't try and jostle her hand away. )

I could do something worse than that next time, Katherine.

[ she frowns. ] Do you really think I'd let you do that?

[ she may be stronger and faster, but what she has that others who are her age and older don't is her knack for survival. it even extends to those she cares about, even though she hasn't had much experience in keeping others alive. none of them really matter. none of them are stefan. ]

I wouldn't let you do something you can't come back from.

And how are you going to stop me? You couldn't stop me this time, Katherine. If you're not there, then I don't choke you.

( that was right, right? logical. he's just trying to avoid ruining this with his issues. )

You shouldn't have to guard against this. I should — I shouldn't be like this. It's been months. I should be fine.

It's been over five hundred years and I'm still not over what happened to be when I was seventeen years old.

[ that's a first for her to admit, but katherine accentuates it with a shrug. she doesn't want him to feel horrible about not being over something that happened to him over a year or so ago. she doesn't blame him. ]

This isn't something you just get over, Stefan. Hiding from it only means it sits with you longer.

[ she curls the hand not touching his face around the edge of the vanity. she reaches up with her other to cup his cheek. ] If you want to sleep by yourself, then I'll go sleep in Nadia's room. But I'm not going to leave you.

Katherine...

( stefan trails off, shoulders slumping. he really does think some distance would be safer for her but it doesn't appear that she thinks so.

and while sleeping in nadia's room is a good solution, it's not going to make his worry go away, he knows. he shudders, still feeling the fingers of what he'd done to her holding onto him. )

I'm not going to be able to go back to sleep tonight.

That's fine.

[ she drops her hand from his face to rub his arm. she's grateful he isn't pushing her away once more. all she wants is to be there for him in the same way he's been there for her.

she doesn't think him being alone will help.

she shrugs her shoulder and smiles. ] I'm not tired. We can keep each other company.

You should put something on your neck.

( he knows she'll heal but he hates seeing the bruises and he hates the thought of that hurting her for even one more minute. )

Ice or something.

( he doesn't, at least, try and argue with her about staying up with him. )

[ it's on the tip of her tongue to argue with him, but she decides not to. she doesn't want to go and get any ice, but she knows that it'll at least make stefan feel a little more comfortable. she wants him to feel comfortable around her. ]

Okay. [ she brushes her fingers against his wrist. ] You go back to bed and I'll go get some ice.

[ she doesn't move to go down to his kitchen just yet. ]

Fine.

( is he actually going to go back to bed? it's hard to say. he's not going to leave the house but he doesn't know if he wants to go back to the spot where he had his nightmare. )

I'll be okay. Just...I'll be fine.

[ katherine doesn't take that as her cue to leave. she drops her hand from his wrist so she can lift herself up onto the vanity. she feels like he can't look away from her if she's almost at his height now.

she thinks she already knows what he's thinking. he has no intentions of going back to bed. ]

You go to bed and then I'll go.

( when she makes no move to leave, he frowns. he should have known better because katherine pierce is not stupid and she knows him in ways few people do.

he looks at her for a brief second before his eyes skitter away, landing on one of the walls. )

I said I was going to go. You don't trust me?

( smart woman. )

No.

[ she shakes her head. she wants to feel guilty over that answer, but all things considered, her sugarcoating it will only lead him on. he's not being completely honest with her. she intends to be very honest with him.

it's going to take a lot more to get her to leave the bathroom before him. ]

I think you're telling me what you think I want to hear. But I'm not leaving until you've gone back to bed. [ she tilts her head to the side as she regards him. ] Why won't you look at me?

[ of course, she knows why. ]

I'm looking at you.

( he swings his gaze back to her briefly before he looks away again, not wanting to stare too long because he knows his eyes will wander to her neck if he does that. )

Fine, I'll go back to bed.

( if it means she doesn't challenge him about looking at at her, he will. he turns and slips of the bathroom to head back to his bed. )

[ when he leaves, katherine sighs. she doesn't want to go get ice, but she figures if he's going to meet her halfway, she needs to do the same.

she goes down to the kitchen and collects an icepack from the freezer, and before she comes back upstairs, she makes sure to button his shirt all the way up to the very top button. it won't hide the bruises forming on her skin, but it'll at least shield them from his view. hopefully, he'll relax somewhat in her presence.

she walks back up the stairs and nestles that icepack against the left side of her neck, wincing at the cold. she ensures to walk into his room with it in place and comes to sit back on the bed. ]

( stefan, at least, hadn't veered off and gone somewhere else when he'd headed back to the room.

he'd gone back, sat down and leaning against the pillows, one knee bent while he rubs at his forehead.

when she comes in, he peers up at her and then looks down again. )

How's it feel?

A little sore, but I'll live.

[ really, the icepack is more for him. her neck may hurt and her throat may still feel like sandpaper to talk through, but she's fine. it's hardly anything close to what it could've been.

katherine manoeuvres herself so she's sitting cross-legged on the bed, facing him. she moves the icepack to the other side of her neck. she doesn't wince nor look pained; she simply watches him. ]

How are you feeling?

I'm fine.

( it's automatic, instinctive. he sighs and leans back against the pillows, staring forward because even with the shirt and the ice pack, he doesn't want to look at her right now because all he's going to do is what he's done. )

I'll be fine.

( at least he was giving her that? that he wasn't maybe okay right now but he'd get there. )

[ as much as katherine wants to drop the icepack from her neck, she keeps it there for him. she notices how he doesn't look at her. she knows why—his guilt must be eating him up inside—but it doesn't make her feel entirely great when she's so used to him looking at her.

she waits a moment before she moves the icepack to the other side, resting it more against her shoulder than her neck. ]

Did you want to talk about it? [ she asks it as gently as possible, fully expecting him to decline. ]

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