manipulative | deerington contact.

A nightmare?

( his head is a mess, full of darkness and sharpness that he shies away from. he tries, instead, to focus on her and when his vision finally settles, he sees the finger shaped bruises forming on her neck. he sees the dotting of blood from his fingernails and he feels sick. )

Katherine.

( he stares at her, pain in his expression before he gets up and moves quickly to the bathroom, kicking the door shut behind him. )

[ he's up and off the bed before she can untangle herself from the sheets. even though he slams the bathroom door, that doesn't stop her from following him. she comes to stand outside of it, feeling unsure of what to do next.

while stefan's been openly vulnerable with her in the past, he's never run from her. she places her hand on the door and tries to listen in. she knows she could easily pull it open or break it down, but she does know he needs his own space. ]

Stefan. [ she says it quietly now. ] Talk to me.

I'm fine.

( he turns the water on, knowing that's not going to drown out any sounds he makes when she can hear like she does. he just needs something that isn't dead silence.

he stares at the running water before dipping his hand underneath it and splashing some water onto his face. )

Go back to bed.

[ perhaps unsurprisingly, katherine doesn't go back to bed. she stands outside of the bathroom door, listening to the water run, and then sits down against the wall. while she doesn't want to crowd him, she doesn't want to leave him, either. she doesn't trust him to come back to bed if she does heed his request and wait for him there.

this is a big house, and stefan knows exactly where he can go and hide from her. she doesn't think he should be alone right now, especially after that. ]

( stefan knows she hasn't gone anywhere. he can hear her breathing outside the door but he doesn't go out. he can't get the sight of her neck out of his mind.

but he doesn't think he can stay in here all night either. she's going to come in eventually and he's going to be cornered into saying something. )

Are you okay?

( he asks the question through the door, quiet and small. )

Yes.

[ katherine doesn't hesitate in answering him. if she hesitates, he can read into it, and the last thing she wants is for stefan to think she's lying to spare his feelings of guilt. her throat hurts and her voice will sound hoarse for a little while, but she's okay.

he's not, and that's her concern.

she rests her head against the wall and draws her knees up to her chest, pulling at the shirt of his she wears. ]

I'm okay, Stefan. I promise.

( stefan nods, staring at himself in the mirror before turning off the water and straightening up. he doesn't really like what he sees so he turns away. )

Okay.

( he sounds slow, flat. )

I'll come back to bed in a few minutes.

( maybe. )

Okay.

[ katherine makes no move to get up and walk back to the bed. she doubts "a few minutes" will be a few minutes. she suspects he believes he'll be up and out of the bathroom and be able to face her, but she knows in reality he wants to hide. she doesn't want him to hide from her; he has no reason to.

after a few minutes, katherine stands. she moves to the bathroom door and waits a few moments before she opens it. she doesn't step inside yet, not wanting to crowd him. ]

I'm fine.

( he's not surprised at all that she hadn't left. the door opens and he can feel her there even if he doesn't see her. he just sighs, letting his shoulders slouch. )

It was just a nightmare. I thought you were someone else. I'm sorry.

( for choking her and leaving his finger marks on her skin. )

[ that's a lie, and they both know it. katherine takes him acknowledging her as a good sign and an invitation to step inside. she comes to stand behind him and wastes very little time in pressing herself to his back and wrapping her arms around his waist. she's here, and a little choking isn't going to make her pack her bags and leave him to deal with this by himself. ]

It's okay.

[ hugging him to her, she rests her cheek against his back. she ensures to keep her grip around him firm so he remembers she's unshakeable. ]

What was happening to you?

( stefan shakes his head, feeling very undeserving of her comfort and attention after what he'd done. but he's selfish and he needs it so he doesn't flinch away either.

his jaw tightens and he doesn't answer for a few long seconds. )

It's not okay.

( he was supposed to have this under control but apparently he didn't. )

It was Silas. The safe.

[ it's starting to piece together for her now.

katherine doesn't pull away from him. flattening her palms against his stomach, she ensures to push herself closer to him so he knows she has his back. no matter what happened in his bed, she's not going anywhere. it's clear that trip back into the safe has dug up everything he felt he'd buried. ]

What was he doing to you? [ she thinks she knows, but her assumption could easily be wrong. the water had to have been enough to choke him. she keeps her tone gentle. ] Choking you?

Holding me underneath the water.

( and when silas's grip had relented, he'd reacted and tried to choke him except he'd been choking katherine instead.

he shudders, seeing those bruises in his mind's eyes again. )

I attacked him. I'm sorry, I thought you were him.

[ katherine closes her eyes momentarily and only hugs him tighter. leaning up, she kisses the base of his neck and rests her chin on his back. she wishes this was something she could take away for him. ]

I'm just glad you're okay.

[ her neck will heal. this isn't the first time stefan's choked her and she hopes, moving forward, it's a lot more fun than being attributed to a nightmare. ]

He has me to get through if he wants to get to you.

I'm fine.

( maybe he's fine. or maybe he's not. he thought that maybe he'd gotten past the safe when katherine had first confronted him about it but apparently being shoved into it again just brought it all back. )

I just — this shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have put my hands on you.

( he shakes his head, smacking a hand down against the sink. )

[ she jumps. she doesn't expect him to smack his hands against the sink, and while that causes her to jump against his back, she keeps her arms wrapped tightly around him. nothing he does is going to have her running for the hills. ]

I know you wouldn't hurt me, Stefan.

[ he's had plenty of opportunities to do so, and he refuses to, each and every time. she knows that it's not his intention. ]

You know that, too, right?

How can you say that when I just did hurt you, Katherine?

( his hand had been around her neck and he would have kept squeezing until she'd thrown him off or he'd managed to fight his way out of the nightmare. )

I just did. I put my hand around your neck and I choked you. I could do it again.

[ she sighs quietly. while her grip around his middle slackens, she doesn't stop touching him. she comes to stand beside him, leaning back against the bathroom sink so she can peers up at him. she keeps her hand on his hip. ]

You weren't trying to hurt me. I know that. You have to know that, too.

[ she peers up at him and tries to catch his eye. ]

It was just a nightmare.

It wasn't.

( he shakes his head and peers at himself in the mirror. he looks tired, worn but any of the rabid fear from the safe is gone for the moment. )

It's going to happen again. I can't stop it, it's just —

( he bows his head, sighing. )

Maybe you shouldn't sleep with me for awhile.

[ katherine stays where she is, keeping her hand on him as she doesn't want him to feel like she's physically pulling away from him.

she tries to hide her disappointment. she doesn't believe that's going to fix anything. if it's going to achieve something, it's prolonging his uncertainty if he's ever going to choke her again. even though he may be right and that it'll happen again, at least he wouldn't be dealing with it alone. ]

Is that what you want?

What I want is to not choke you again because I'm in the middle of a nightmare.

( he doesn't want to look at finger shaped bruises on her neck and he doesn't want to know that hes the cause of it. )

I don't want to hurt you.

You are when you push me away, Stefan.

[ he's let her in and he's let her help him for the last several months that katherine doesn't want to lose that over a nightmare. because that's what it is—a nightmare that's formed from untreated ptsd. she doesn't need five centuries' worth of it to know that he's still processing his trauma.

she reaches up to gently trace his jaw. ] I trust you. Nothing's going to change that.

I don't trust myself.

( not now, not anymore. she's stronger than him but this tonight proves that he can still hurt her. he turns to look away from her but he doesn't try and jostle her hand away. )

I could do something worse than that next time, Katherine.

[ she frowns. ] Do you really think I'd let you do that?

[ she may be stronger and faster, but what she has that others who are her age and older don't is her knack for survival. it even extends to those she cares about, even though she hasn't had much experience in keeping others alive. none of them really matter. none of them are stefan. ]

I wouldn't let you do something you can't come back from.

And how are you going to stop me? You couldn't stop me this time, Katherine. If you're not there, then I don't choke you.

( that was right, right? logical. he's just trying to avoid ruining this with his issues. )

You shouldn't have to guard against this. I should — I shouldn't be like this. It's been months. I should be fine.

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